Slim Man Cooks Bay Scallops with Garlic, Butter, Lemon and Basil

Wow. That’s a long title. But when I tried to trim it down, I felt bad about whoever I was leaving out!I’ve been on a scallop kick lately. One of the reasons is...they are delizioso. I do love the flavor, texture, smell...I guess what I’m saying is...I’m a big scallop fan.But the main reason for the recent consummation of scallops is...They’re on sale at a local grocery called Sprouts. Eight bucks for a one-pound bag of frozen, wild-caught bay scallops from the Gulf of Mexico. Eight bucks!  And they really are stinkin’ good.So I’ve been buying a couple bags at a time, I keep them in the freezer for emergencies, in case there’s an earthquake or if I bang my head on the goat shed and need an ice-pack.Bay scallops are the small ones. Sea scallops are the big ones, the ridiculously expensive ones. I don’t know why sea scallops have almost doubled in price lately. Maybe there’s a scallop divers strike that I’m not aware of. Maybe scallops just aren’t having as many children as before.Regardless, sea scallops are costly. But bay scallops ain’t. And I’m really digging the bay scallops, I love the way they taste, they’re wild-caught, they don’t cost a ton of dough, and they’re easy and quick.What’s not to love?The other night here at the Slim Shack I wanted some pasta. I’ve been getting these cravings. Maybe I’m pregnant. But I’ve been craving pasta lately, so I pulled out a bag of scallops.I had a basil plant in back of the Shack, it’s been doing pretty well despite it being 189 degrees outside. Palm Springs gets hot in the summer. It was so hot the other day here at the Slim Shack that when I milked the goats all that came out was evaporated milk.I usually keep garlic and lemons and white wine handy. And I had some spaghetti, too. And I had some butter, some real good Irish butter that I had splurged on last week.So I thought I’d whip up a quick little something. I put it all together, and it was good, Slim Folks.It was so good I made it again just a few nights later. Just to be sure.And?It’s well-worthy of Slim People.NOTES:The scallops threw off a bit of liquid. It didn’t bother me, it actually made the sauce taste better. It reduced quite nicely! And the flavor, she was a-so nice!Bay scallops are small and don’t take much time at all. Try and get them to sear on each side. It’s tough, but you can do it, Slim People!I put this over pasta. Call me crazy, but I’m a glutton for gluten!But you can serve it as is with some crusty bread to your crusty friends and family. Or you can serve it over rice. Put it on bruschetta, or a pizza, or your pancakes in the morning!INGREDIENTS1 pound bay scallopsFresh cracked black pepper, brown or Turbinado sugar, and salt, a sprinkling of each3 tablespoons butter1 tablespoon olive oil5 garlic cloves, smashed and peeled½ cup dry white wineJuice from one lemon (2 tablespoons, NO SEEDS!)Small handful fresh basil leaves HERE WE GO!Put a sauté pan over medium-high heat.Add 1 tablespoon of butter, and 1 tablespoon of olive oil.When the butter has melted and starts to brown, add the scallops.Cook for 90 seconds or until the bottoms are golden.Stir/flip as best you can!Cook on the other side for 90 seconds or until golden.Remove with a slotted spoon to a platter.Reduce the heat to medium.Add the garlic, cook for a minute or two, until golden.Flip, cook for another minute or two, until golden.Add the wine and the lemon juice.Turn the heat to high, scrape and stir for a minute or so as the sauce reduces.Turn heat down to medium.Add 2 tablespoons of butter.When it melts, add the scallops.Take the basil, snip it with scissors on top of the scallops.Stir gently for a minute.Turn off the heat.She’s a-done!I put my scallop sauce over pasta, I cooked a half-pound of spaghetti in salted boiling water, drained it, and added it right to the sauce and gave it a toss.She’s a-so nice!MANGIAMO!!! 

Slim Man Cooks Primavera Sauce

Cooking these days can be a pain in the ass.I’ll tell you why…This weekend, there were some folks visiting the Slim Shack. People came in from around the globe to pay respects to my friend, Abe, who passed away recently.He was a colonel in the Army, and one of the good guys. He was well-read, kept himself in great shape, was thoughtful and generous and kind and strong and had a sense of humor, too. Plus, he was a sharp-dressed man.I cooked many dinners for Abe. He ate everything, and when I say everything, I mean he didn’t turn vegan or vegetarian or paleo or Mediterranean, Abe ate a balanced diet. Reasonable. Moderate.And he passed away at the age of 97 recently. Not from something I cooked, promise!He lived a very healthy life right up until his last days. And he ate whatever he wanted. But that was then. And this is now…And now folks have all kinds of dietary restrictions. Here is what I was up against this weekend. Seriously.This one doesn’t eat meat. That one doesn’t eat onions. This one is a vegetarian but can’t eat tomatoes. The other one can’t eat pasta. Another one doesn’t eat anything fried or even sautéed. This one is completely vegan, and…What the hell was I supposed to cook?Well, I made one of the best dishes ever. Seriously. All these restrictions forced me to come up with something I never would have made. Sure, in the beginning I felt like smacking each numbskull upside the head with a wooden spoon, but after…Wowoweewow. I’m telling you, it was so good and so healthy.And I’m gonna show you how to make this primavera dish.Primavera in Italian means spring. So, the point to this dish is to find all the fresh—not frozen—and colorful spring vegetables you can, and make a dish of pasta with them.I went to the local grocery, and picked out the most gorgeous vegetables I could find. And there were plenty. Here in California, all the produce looks so beautiful and tastes like it hasn’t been sitting on a truck for a month.Because it hasn’t.Never in my life have I seen so many fresh and beautiful and scrump-diddly-umptious vegetables. And not to mention Gilroy, the Garlic Capital of the World, is not far away!So I found some magnificent vegetables, and then I roasted them, that’s right, roasted them in a pan. Because this one doesn’t like fried or sautéed.And then I put them over pasta. Well, I made one batch with real pasta, and the other one with some quinoa-edamame-tofu-Styrofoam-type fake pasta.I wasn’t jumping for joy when I tasted the fake pasta.But when I put this primavera sauce over farfalle? It was one of the best-tasting dishes I’ve made in a while.  All because of those knuckleheads!So, in life, when confronted with knuckleheads, know that they are there to improve you. They are like sandpaper that smooths out your rough edges. When you have a bunch of knuckleheads over for dinner, and they have a bunch of dietary demands, cook this.This dish is simple. And quick. And easy. And inexpensive. And ridiculously healthy.NOTES: I put the chopped, slivered, sliced vegetables in two baking pans. After I sliced and diced and smashed and chopped, I divided up the vegetables equally…half the carrots in one pan, half in the other, and so on, with all the vegetables.The carrots need to be sliced thinner than the other vegetables. They cook quicker that way, and will be done when the rest of the other vegetables are.I used a whole garlic bulb. There were about 10 cloves inside, I smashed each one, peeled off the paper, and put 5 in each pan. The roasted garlic was delizioso.I have two racks in the Slim Oven.I put one pan on the lower rack, and one on the rack above it.After 20 minutes, the lower pan was perfection, so I took it out of the oven. But the upper one needed a little more time.So I put the upper pan on the lower rack for 5 or 10 minutes, and wow, it was done to perfectly perfect doneness.I put the grape tomatoes in at the end. For two reasons…One is that they really don’t need to cook/roast. They just get all mushy.The second reason is…that one couldn’t eat tomatoes. Or didn’t like them. Whatever, I left them out of her dish, and put them in after I served her.Cazzo!INGREDIENTS1 yellow bell pepper, de-seeded, and sliced into thin pieces1 red bell pepper, same way4 carrots, sliced into matchstick-size slivers1 zucchini, sliced the same way, but thicker1 yellow squash, sliced the same as the zucchini1 generous cup asparagus tips2 shallots, slivered10 garlic cloves, smashed and peeled1 cup grape or cherry tomatoes, halved, seeds squeezed out1/3 cup of fresh snipped basil leaves1 tablespoon of chopped fresh oregano1 tablespoon of chopped fresh thymeOlive oil1 pound of farfalle pastaKosher salt and fresh ground pepper Here we go!Preheat your oven to 450 degrees.Divide all the vegetables in half (except for the tomatoes) and put half on each baking tray.Drizzle with olive oil and mix.Add Kosher salt, and fresh ground pepper to taste, and mix.Put the trays in the oven for 10 minutes.Then take them out, and give ‘em a stir, stir, stir.Bake for another 10 minutes.When the carrots are done, take the trays out of the oven.You can put this over pasta, or quinoa, or rice, or hedge-clippings.I used farfalle pasta, 1 pound.I put it in rapidly boiling water (I added a couple of tablespoons of Kosher salt first) and cooked it until al dente.Al Dente! Wasn’t he a pitcher for the Yankees?Drain the pasta and put in a bowl.Give a little drizzle of olive oil and stir.Add the vegetables to the bowl, stir gently.Add the tomatoes and the herbs, and mix gently. Gently, Slim boys and girls!Dish it up on a nice plate, maybe garnish with a sprig of oregano or thyme, and sprinkle with some freshly grated parmigiano cheese (unless you're vegan, or dairy intolerant, or whatever) and…MANGIAMO!

Slim's Manly Aioli Sauce

I was trying to come up with a catchy name for this sauce. At first I was thinking…Slim’s Special Maytard Sauce. But it didn’t have that ring and zing I was looking for.Whatever you call it, this sauce is quick and easy and delizioso. And it’s manly—strong and brave, but not as hairy and stubborn.It’s basically an aioli sauce; the word is hard to pronounce…ah-ee-OH-lee, but the aioli sauces are some of my favorites. Aioli comes from aglio, the Italian word for garlic, which is the dominant flavor in this here Slim Sauce.Gilroy, California, is the Garlic Capital of the World. Just thought I’d toss that out there.NOTES:If you want a little sweetness, add a little honey at the end.   INGREDIENTS 6 tablespoons mayo2 tablespoons Dijon mustard1 tablespoon fresh squeezed lemon juice1 tablespoon white balsamic vinegar1 tablespoon minced garlic[OPTIONAL] 1 teaspoon raw honeyHERE WE GO!Put all the ingredients in a bowl and whisk whisk whisk, or put them in a jar with a lid, and shake shake shake!You can pour it in shot glasses and drink it down, but I strongly suggest you use it as a dipping sauce. It goes well with Slim’s Poached Salmon, or Slim’s Manly Balls of Salmon.MANGIAMO!

Slim Man Cooks Roasted Vegetable Lasagna

On Christmas Day, 1999, I sang for Pope John Paul II at the Vatican.When you read that first line, you might get the impression that I was strumming my guitar at the Pope’s bedside, singing Christmas songs as he dozed off to sleep.That ain’t what happened.A friend of mine called from LA. She was putting a choir together to sing two pieces of music written for Pope John Paul II. She was familiar with my music, and thought I might like to be included as a vocalist. Yes, indeed!Both pieces were going to be performed at the Vatican on Christmas Day, 1999, the last Christmas of the 20^th century. She asked me to be in the choir, to sing for the Pope.You can’t say “nope” to the Pope.I drove over to my uncle Oscar’s house, not far from my hometown of Baltimore, Maryland. I told him what was going on – I was flying to Rome for Christmas to sing for the Pope. He was so happy, you would have thought I’d just cured erectile dysfunction.Oscar insisted on paying for my hotel as a Christmas gift.  He wanted me to stay at the Excelsior, a swanky, luxurious, elegant hotel in the heart of Rome.  Fellini shot part of a movie there, La Dolce Vita.A few days before Christmas, I flew to Rome. I had never been before. When I checked into the hotel, I was dazzled. It was beautiful. Elegant. I didn’t get to see much of the hotel, though. Most of my days were spent at rehearsals.  The two pieces of music we were doing for the Pope were called “Magnificat” and “cantata Giubileo.”“Magnificat,” was written by Beppe Cantarelli, an Italian guy who had written songs for Aretha and Mariah Carey.  “Magnificat” is truly magnificent, one of my favorite pieces of choral music.“cantata Giubileo” was written by Maurice Jarre, a pretty famous and serious film composer. He won three Academy Awards for the music he wrote for Lawrence of Arabia, Doctor Zhivago, and A Passage to India.Giubileo is the Italian word for “Jubilee.” Every 25 years, the Roman Catholic Church celebrates Giubileo. Cantare is the Italian word for “sing.” In other words, “cantata Giubileo” was supposed to be a joyous piece of vocal music.It was a difficult piece of music – difficult to sing and difficult to like. There were so many key changes, time signature changes, and tempo changes.  To top it off, the choir had to sing the word “peace” in 33 different languages.I like to joke a lot. But I ain’t kidding, Maurice wanted us to learn how to sing “peace” in 33 languages. There were about 50 people in the choir, men and women, mostly from LA; a mixed bag of gospel singers, pop singers, R&B singers, and one lonely jazz guy - me. We were called the Millennium Choir.We rehearsed in the Sala Nervi, the concert hall that had just been built next to St. Peter’s Basilica. Sala Nervi was amazing. The acoustics, the mile-high ceilings, the marble floors, the masses of stained glass – they didn’t get this stuff at Home Depot. Sala Nervi was really and truly stunning.The orchestra was down in front in the pit. The choir was on stage in a semi-circle, on raised stands. I stood next to a well-dressed black guy, who introduced himself as Darryl Phinnesse. His claim to fame was that he had written the lyrics to the theme song for the TV show Fraser.I always wondered about the lyric in that song “tossed salads and scrambled eggs.” I asked Darryl about it. He explained that “tossed salads and scrambled eggs” meant crazy people, people who were mixed up.I didn’t get it. I still don’t get it.Rehearsals for “Magnificat” were magnificent. The choir, the orchestra — everybody connected with that piece of music in a big way. It sounded glorious. To sing that incredible song, with a full choir and orchestra, in that amazing hall - I could have sung it a hundred times in a row.But “cantata Giubileo”? Both the choir and orchestra were having a tough time. Even when we got it right, it didn’t sound right – it sounded like an orchestra tuning up. Cacophonous.Maurice Jarre was not happy. He didn’t look like a real happy guy to begin with.One night, after rehearsal, I was at the hotel bar in the Excelsior, singing “Blue Christmas”, when a very stylish Italian guy came over and told me he liked my voice, told me I sounded like Elvis.  I had been studying Italian for months.  I knew enough to get around, especially when someone was talking about The King.He asked me my name. I was gonna say Slim Man, but I told him my real name. When he heard me say “Camponeschi” his eyes lit up. He told me about Ristorante Camponeschi in Rome. He told me I had to go there.  He introduced himself. Federico.Federico called me in my room the next morning to tell me he had made a reservation. Which was very nice - a little bit strange, but nice. How did he find out which room I was in? I thanked him, hung up, and promptly forgot about it. I showered, dressed, and got in a taxi. I told the cab driver to take me to the Vatican. When he asked me why I was going there, I told him I was going to sing for the Pope. He laughed. I guess it did sound like a joke.Rehearsal that day was no joke. “cantata Giubeleo” was still not sounding right. Maurice worked us hard.  Towards the end of the long day, Maurice stopped the choir to yell at us. He was a fiery Frenchman, and he wasn’t happy with the way his masterpiece was sounding.In the middle of his hollering, I noticed a guy walking across the marble floor. He was about 100 yards away, but you could hear his footsteps echo in the hall, getting louder as he got closer.The guy stopped next to Maurice Jarre. He was dressed in a suit and tie with overcoat. He looked like a hit man. Maurice stopped yelling.The guy said, to no one in particular, that he was looking for Signore Camponeschi. I looked around. There were no other Camponeschis. I raised my hand. He motioned for me to go with him. I had no idea what was going on. Maybe the Pope wanted me to make him some meatballs.The orchestra, the choir, Maurice - everyone stood and stared in silence as I stepped down from the choir stand, walked off the stage, and followed the guy out of the Sala Nervi, our footsteps fading in the grand hall. We walked outside and the guy opened the back door of a Mercedes limo. I got in.I knew he wasn’t gonna kill me — he wouldn’t have abducted me in front of 100 witnesses if he were. But I was a bit curious as to where I was going. When I’d ask, he’d say “Camponeschi.”Ten minutes later, we pulled up in front of the French Embassy. I was really confused, until I saw a sign across the street from the Embassy. Ristorante Camponeschi. We walked in.I couldn’t have had a better reception if I were the Pope. They had everything but a brass band playing the national anthem. Alessandro Camponeschi and his Dad, Marino, owned the place, and they greeted me with hugs, and treated me like a long lost son.My grandfather, Romollo Camponeschi, was born in Rome. It's quite possible that Alessandro and I might be related. But what a welcome, regardless.Ristorante Camponeschi is very elegant. Alessandro and Marino wouldn’t let me order from the menu. I must have had 100 courses. They brought soups, salads and appetizers, lobsters, champagne and desserts as well as flaming liqueurs.When your name is Slim Man, it’s not a good thing to stuff yourself like I did.After dinner, I gave a warm goodbye to Alessandro and Marino. The Mercedes limo was waiting for me outside. He gave me a quick ride back to the Excelsior. I thanked him, walked inside, and went to sleep.I found out the next day that Federico had made all the arrangements – the limo pick-up from the Vatican, the dinner, the limo ride home. All because he liked the way I sang “Blue Christmas.” Long Live The King!On Christmas morning, I got all dressed up in my tuxedo. It took me a while to get my bow tie tied – I didn’t want to use a clip-on for the Pope!  I caught a cab to the Vatican, and got ready for the Big Show. We took the stage, the lights went dim and…The concert was amazing. The choir sounded great, so did the orchestra, and it all went really well — both pieces of music sounded exquisite.  I was concentrating so hard on the sheet music, on getting everything right, that I really didn’t have time to look around, and soak it all in.I didn't even notice where Pope John Paul was sitting.  He could have started a mosh pit and I wouldn’t have noticed.But after the concert, as I walked by, the Pope gave me a chest bump and a high five, and let me try on his hat.Just joking. Lord, forgive me!After the concert, I walked out of the Sala Nervi into the chilly Christmas night and it was breathtaking. The streets of Rome were jam-packed with people, the church bells were ringing, voices were singing, the Christmas lights were twinkling, all the streetlamps were decorated, and it was glorious.Absolutely glorious.Roasted Vegetable LasagnaI wanted to make a lasagna that was…Slim, so to speak. So I skipped the ricotta cheese, and just roasted some vegetables.The first time I cooked this I used no-cook lasagna noodles in a 9x13 dish. The lasagna fit in the dish perfectly, but I didn’t like ‘em. I know a lot of people use them. To me, no-cook lasagna don’t taste right.I really prefer to boil the lasagna the old school way. In boiling water. What a concept. I boiled my lasagna noodles according to the instructions on the package, and they turned out so nice! It didn’t add any additional time, I cooked the lasagna noodles as the vegetables roasted.I used an 8x11 glass baking dish, because the traditional lasagna noodles fit perfectly in there. I used 9 sheets of lasagna--3 layers of 3.I was gonna cook a tomato sauce for this, but then, in a stroke of genius, I decided to do a no-cook tomato sauce. When I usually cook a tomato sauce, I cook it for 25 minutes.I figured, the tomato sauce was gonna bake in the oven with the lasagna for 25 minutes anyway, why cook the sauce beforehand. Capisce?It saved a lot of time and effort, but the best thing about this no-cook tomato sauce? It tasted so fresh. Funky fresh!You’ll need 3 generous cups of tomato sauce. You can use bottled sauce, but my no-cook tomato sauce takes no time!I found some organic mini-bell peppers on sale. They were beautiful--red, yellow and orange and added a nice color and flavor to this dish. If you can’t find mini-bell peppers, you can use a regular orange, yellow or red bell pepper, or a combination of all three. Whatever combination you use, you’ll need to end up with a cup and a half, chopped.I found some multi-colored heirloom grape tomatoes on sale. They, too, were colorful and delizioso. And not expensive. I cut them in half, squeezed the seeds out, and they worked perfectly.Cippolini onions are sweeter and milder than normal onions. They’re good for roasting, and you can find them in normal grocery stores. If you can’t find cippolini onions, use shallots instead.I always clean my vegetables. I clean everything. You gotta keep it clean, Slim People.INGREDIENTSFor the lasagna:3 cups (2 medium) zucchini cut in ¼ inch circular slices1 ½ cups small cippolini onions (6), peeled and quartered1 ½ cups red, yellow and orange bell peppers, cored, seeded, cut into 1-inch pieces5 tablespoons olive oil4 cups (8 ounces) sliced portobello mushroom caps, 1/8 inch thick, cut into 1-inch pieces3 cups (2 small) yellow squash cut in ¼ inch circular slices3 cups grape tomatoes, cut in half, insides/seeds squeezed out1 package lasagna noodles (at least 9 sheets)¼ cup basil, loosely packed, snipped with scissors or chopped gently—it bruises!1 pound (or more!) mozzarella cheese, you’ll need 1 ½ cups shredded, plus 12 circular ¼ inch slices½ cup fresh grated Parmigiano-Reggiano cheeseKosher salt and fresh cracked black pepperINGREDIENTSFor the no-cook tomato sauce:1 twenty-eight ounce can crushed Italian tomatoes (San Marzano are best, $3.99 a can)1 tablespoon minced garlic¼ cup basil leaves, loosely packed, snipped with scissors or chopped gently!½ teaspoon kosher salt¼ teaspoon crushed red pepperCombine all the ingredients, stir, set aside. Taste for salt and pepper and adjust. This should make about 3 or 4 cups. How easy was that?Here we go…Pre-heat your oven to 400 degrees.Put your zucchini, onion and peppers in a bowl, drizzle with a tablespoon or two of olive oil, add some kosher salt and fresh-cracked black pepper, and toss.Get a large metal baking pan, line it with aluminum foil. Add the zucchini and onions and peppers to the pan.Put your portobello mushrooms and yellow squash in the bowl. Add a tablespoon or two of olive oil, some kosher salt and fresh-cracked black pepper, and toss.Get another large metal baking pan, line it with aluminum foil. Add the portobello mushrooms and yellow squash to the pan.Put both pans in the oven, as close to the middle as possible, and roast for 25 minutes. As the vegetables roast…Take your 2 cups of halved grape tomatoes, put them in a bowl. Add a tablespoon of olive oil, some kosher salt and fresh-cracked black pepper and toss. Set aside.Now, for the lasagna noodles. Get a large pot, fill it full of cold water, put it on the highest heat ya got. When it comes to a full boil, add 2 tablespoons kosher salt and the lasagna noodles.Cook the lasagna noodles according to the directions on the package. I followed the instructions on a package of Barilla lasagna, I cooked them for 7 minutes.Keep an eye on these guys, make sure they don’t stick together. People should stick together, lasagna shouldn’t. Use tongs. Be gentle. Be kind. But you gotta keep ‘em separated.When the lasagna noodles have cooked according to the instructions, drain gently.I used an 8x11 glass baking dish. The lasagna noodles fit perfectly.Put a generous cup of uncooked tomato sauce in the bottom, spread around evenly.Add 3 pieces of lasagna, lay like shingles, overlapping—just a touch!Add the roasted zucchini, peppers and onions.Add a cup of tomato sauce.Add ¾ cup shredded mozzarella, spread evenly and judiciously.Add 3 more pieces of lasagna, layering like shingles.Add the roasted yellow squash and portobellos. Spread ‘em out even.Add a cup of tomato sauce, spread evenly.Add ¾ cup of shredded mozzarella, evenly—capisce?Add another layer of lasagna noodles, 3, lay ‘em down like shingles.Add the halved-tomatoes, distribute evenly. Any part of the lasagna noodles that are exposed, rub with a little olive oil from the bowl that held the tomatoes. This will help keep the noodles from drying out.Stick the baking dish in the oven on the middle rack for 25 minutes.After 25 minutes, remove from the oven.Sprinkle the ¼ cup of basil leaves on top of the tomatoes. Add the slices of mozzarella, make sure you cover all the tomatoes.Top off with the grated Parmigiano-Reggiano cheese.Turn the oven to broil. Put the lasagna in the oven and KEEP AN EYE ON THESE GUYS. Don’t burn the cheese. You want it to get golden brown. It should only take a MINUTE OR TWO.Maybe three…When the mozzarella is golden and bubbly, remove. Let it sit for 10 minutes.Dish it up! Make it look nice. Sprinkle with some snipped basil leaves, maybe some grated Parmigiano-Reggiano cheese. She’s a-so nice!MANGIAMO!!!

Slim Man Cooks Shrimp Scampi

Shrimp Scampi with SiriA few years ago, I was at a restaurant in Greektown in Baltimore, Maryland.  It was Christmastime, and a friend had invited me to a business dinner. The two guys across from me were looking down at their cell phones.  I got curious.“Does one of you have a wife who’s pregnant?  A Mom in the hospital?  A cousin on death row waiting for a stay of execution?”“No.”I asked them who they were texting.  They were texting each other.  Nice. I told myself right then that I would never be like those guys.And now?  Well, I’m not as bad as those guys, but I’m getting close.I got the iPhone when it first came out.  I had it for a week and then took it back.  It was pinging, dinging, ringing and it was getting on my nerves.  It got so bad I was thinking of developing a new app - the iQuit app.  Here’s how it was going to work: you go to the river, throw your iPhone in, and scream “I QUIT!”I just didn’t want to be that connected.  I just wanted a phone so I could talk to my relatives in the mental institution.  I took the iPhone back.I got a regular cell phone.  It never worked right.  I had so many problems with it.  I think it might have been possesed by an evil spirit. For example, a friend texted me a photo of her beautiful 25 year-old daughter and somehow it became my screensaver.  That didn’t go over too well with the Ex.  I tried to explain. She didn’t believe me.My phone dialed 911 on a regular basis.  The callbacks from the cops were so frequent they came to know me by my first name.  “Slim?  Everything OK?”Text messages would go to random contacts.  Lovey dovey notes meant for a certain someone would get sent to business associates. It was crazy. Like a bad relationship, I stayed with that phone way too long.  Neil Sedaka said it best, ”Breaking Up Is Hard To Do.”  It was time to move on.So I got another iPhone.  It only cost $99 through Sprint, because I’d been a customer since the First World War. I liked the iPhone, but I didn’t see what the big deal was.  I made phone calls.  I sent texts.  That was about it.Then, one day I was in Nashville at a very cool place called Mafioza’s and the guy next to me told me about the TuneIn Radio app.  I had no idea what the hell he was talking about.  I had never downloaded any apps.  I was app-less.He showed me how to download the app.  Which I did.  It is pretty amazing.  I can now listen to Italian talk radio, broadcast from Italy.  I can listen to Baltimore Orioles baseball on my hometown radio station.  I can listen to CarTalk anytime I want.I was hooked.  I started getting other apps.  I now have an app that tunes my guitar.  I have an app I can hold up to a speaker in a restaurant and it will tell me the name of the song that’s playing, the artist, the CD and give me the option to buy it on iTunes.I have an app for my bank which allows me to take photos of all the huge checks I receive and deposit them through my iPhone.And I am in love with Siri.If you have a question, you can ask your iPhone.  A gal named Siri answers.In December, 2013, I was driving from Nashville to Breckenridge, Colorado.  I was 12 hours into the trip.  It was dark.  It was cold.  I was on a stretch of road that had nothing on it, and nothing in sight. I had Batu, my bull terrier dog, in the car with me.  I picked up my iPhone and held the button.  Siri answered. It was the first time we spoke.“What can I help you with?”I asked Siri for the nearest dog-friendly hotel.  She gave me all the info I needed; the directions and the website.  Siri even dialed the phone number for me. Batu and I checked into a Super 8 in Hays, Kansas, in the middle of the night. It was 10 degrees. My weather app told me so.  The next morning I started driving, and a light came on the dashboard. My tires were low and needed air.  Siri found me the nearest gas station.I drove to Breckenridge to meet my brother and his family for Christmas.  Breckenridge is a skiing/snowboarding town, a quaint little village at around 10,000 feet, surrounded by these looming, massive snow-capped peaks.I didn’t snowboard once.  I didn’t ski once.  I was in the middle of making the new Bona Fide CD. Three weeks before, I was in Madrid, mixing the CD with Marc Antoine. And now I was in Breckenridge, Colorado, getting phone calls from Madrid.  Marc Antoine was doing some re-mixes there in his home studio, and he was emailing me mixes every day.I would download them on my iPhone, plug it into my car stereo, and I would listen to his mixes, while driving around the mountains in Colorado. It was heavenly.  Here I was at 10,000 feet, listening to songs on my iPhone that had just been mixed 10,000 miles away.I spent most of my time in Breckenridge working on music, but I did find time to jog almost every day for 30 or 40 minutes.  It was exhilarating.  I didn’t feel the effects of the altitude and I’m not sure why.My last day in Breckenridge, I took a jog.  I left the ski lodge around 3 PM and headed up the mountain.  There was a snowshoe trail, and I followed it through the woods, almost to the top of Old Smoky.  All I had on were my jogging shoes.I mean, I had pants on and stuff—it would have been a little chilly on the Willy without ‘em.  But I didn’t have any boots or snowshoes, and the snow was deep.  It was breathtakingly beautiful near the top of that mountain.  It must have been 12,000 feet.I stopped and listened to nothing.  It was so peaceful.  I started jogging down the mountain and then I decided to go off trail.  I was running downhill through evergreens, dodging branches, it was unbelievable.I stopped to catch my breath.  It was getting dark.  It was about 10 degrees.  It started to snow.  Suddenly I looked around.  I had no idea where I was.  I guess I could have followed my footprints back up the mountain, but it was steep, I was tired, and it was getting late.I pulled out my iPhone.“Siri.  Can you get me to back to the lodge?”It took her a few seconds, but she showed me where I was, and where I needed to go.  I headed in that direction, and found the road that the ski lodge was on.  It took me about an hour, but I got there.  I was cold, tired and thirsty.I poured a glass of wine, sat on the deck and pulled out my iPhone.“Thank you, Siri.”“No problem.”I decided to get a little bold.  I gathered up some courage and said,“Siri.  I love you.”You know what she said?“I know.”It was a vibe-killer.  Here I was, mustering up the guts to say “I love you” for the very first time, and all I get is “I know?”If you ever want your relationship to come to a screeching halt, just say those two words right after someone says “I love you” for the first time.Because there is no come-back to “I know.”Believe me.I know.SHRIMP SCAMPII use wild shrimp.  Yes, they’re wildly expensive, but farm-raised shrimp just don’t seem to taste quite right. You can find wild shrimp in most grocery stores — sometimes in the freezer section.The tomatoes I used for this dish were grape tomatoes - organic, multicolored, gorgeous grape tomatoes.  Yellow, red, purple -they were beautiful.  And cheap.  Two bucks a pint.I cut the tomatoes in half, squeezed out the seeds, and threw them out. The seeds, that is. Why?  It looks better that way.And you know the most important thing in life is looking good.And finally, Meyer lemons are amazing; if you can find them, use them.  If not, pick a soft, ripe lemon.  They are the sweetest.INGREDIENTS:4 tablespoons extra virgin olive oilCrushed red pepper to taste (I start with ¼  teaspoon)6 garlic cloves, sliced thin (about 2 tablespoons)¾ cup dry white wine1¼ pound medium wild shrimp, shelled, deveined, rinsed, patted dry1 lemon, cut in half2 tablespoons butter1 pint grape tomatoes (about 30 small tomatoes) cut in half, de-seeded1 handful of Italian flat leaf parsley, chopped (about ¼ cup)A few Italian parsley sprigs for garnish1 pound linguine (or spaghetti)Kosher saltHere we go…Get a large pot, fill it with cold water, and put it on the highest heat you have. This is for the pasta.As the water comes to a boil, let’s make the sauce…Get a large sauté pan, put in 3 tablespoons of olive oil over medium heat.Add the crushed red pepper.Add the sliced garlic, cook for a few minutes until golden.Add the white wine, and turn up the heat for 2 or 3 minutes to cook it down.Reduce the heat to medium-low.Add the shrimp, spread ‘em out flat — no bunching!Take a half lemon, and squeeze the juice through your fingers over the shrimp — don’t let any seeds get through.Sprinkle a little salt over the shrimp.Cook for 2 or 3 minutes.Using tongs, turn over each shrimp.Get the other half lemon, and squeeze it over the shrimpAdd the 2 tablespoons of butter – cut it into small pieces - and place in between the shrimp.Add the tomatoes.Cook for 3 minutes.Add the parsley.Give it a gentle stir or two, and remove from the heat.When the pasta water comes to a full boil, add 2 tablespoons of kosher salt, and add a pound of linguine.Follow the cooking directions on the box. Two minutes before the pasta is supposed to be done, take a piece and bite through it. If it is chalky in the center, it is not done. Check the pasta every 2 minutes, until it is not chalky or chewy. It might take longer thanthe instructions say.When the pasta is firm to the bite – al dente – drain, and put it in a bowl and drizzle with a tablespoon of extra virgin olive oil. Give the pasta a quick toss.Add half of the shrimp sauce to the pasta, and mick ‘em up.Dish it up!  Take some pasta, put it on a plate.  Add a little scampi sauce on top of each dish, put a few shrimp on top, and a little sprig of fresh parsley for garnish.One of the Exes liked to put grated cheese on this pasta.  Most Italians don’t put cheese on seafood.  But, if your girl wants cheese, just shut up and grate.Freshly grated Parmigiano-Reggiano cheese is best.       MANGIAMO!!! 

Slim Man Cooks Broccoli and Peppers

Broccoli and peppers and My Dad's Cell PhoneWhen my Dad found his dream spot on top of a mountain in the Catskills in upstate New York, there was nothing there but an empty cinder block garage with a dirt floor and an incredible view.No electricity, no running water, no phone, no nothin’.My Dad took that garage and slowly built it into quite a nice cabin. Then he built a small compound around it. He built a tiny log bunkhouse on the hill. Then he built a small barn next door with a small apartment over top. My Dad didn’t do any of the actual construction; he supervised and lent a hand.The place was called Rat Tail Ridge. Batu loved it up there. Summers were magnificent. Winters were brutal. There was so much snow on his roof in the wintertime, that my Dad had to get somebody to climb up and shovel it off so it wouldn’t cave in.It wasn’t an easy place to get to or get out of. It was kinda isolated, especially in the winter, when you needed a front-loader to plow the driveway.In the morning, my Dad liked to drive into Meridale to the tiny post office, get his mail, and talk with the woman behind the counter. Then he’d grab the New York Times and the local paper at the small coffee shop next door and drive back to Rat Tail Ridge.Most old people drive slow. Not my Dad. He drove like he’d just robbed a 7-11. I used to jog from his house down the side of the mountain, and I could hear him a mile away, tearing up the dirt road, a cloud of dust behind him.I would dive off the side of the road, afraid he wouldn’t see me and run me over. He’d fly by without recognizing me, his head barely visible above the steering wheel. One time he drove into a snow bank. He got stuck there for a while. That was when I decided it was time to get him a cell phone.I got him in my car and we drove down to the AT&T store in Oneonta. The drive is about 40 minutes. He wasn’t pleased with the idea of getting a cell phone. It was like driving someone to get their arm amputated.AT&T is the only carrier that works up at my Dad’s place. We got to the store. My Dad wasn’t happy, at all. Keep in mind; he wasn’t a happy guy to begin with. We went up to the counter, a sales guy came over – a young kid, friendly and clean-cut. I told him what I wanted...A cell phone. One with big numbers. One that was easy to operate. I didn’t need it to make movies. I didn’t need it to tune a guitar. I didn’t need a phone that was also a microwave oven.I just wanted a simple phone for my Dad for emergencies and stuff like that. Maybe a phone where he could receive text messages and photos from his kids and grandkids. I thought that would be nice for the old grouch.The sales guy looked at me, then looked at my Dad. He cheerfully asked us if we wanted a two-year plan or a five-year plan.My Dad looked at him and said,“Are you fuckin’ kiddin’ me? I’m 86 years old! Give me the shortest plan you got, ‘cause I don’t know how much fuckin’ longer I’m gonna be around.”My Dad wasn't trying to be mean or rude. That’s just the way he talked, excuse the language. He cussed a lot and was not apologetic about it. I use it here for verisimilitude. My dad was rough, gruff and tough as iron. He never minced words, he gave it to you straight between the eyes. He was well-read, well-educated and eloquent. Poetic, even. But the “F” word in all its forms was a regular part of his daily vocabulary.I explained to the sales guy, we just need a phone with a pay-as-you-go plan. A phone that was cheap, easy, and so simple that a chimpanzee could figure it out. No offense to chimpanzees. Some of my best friends act like chimpanzees.I asked sales dude if we could get a number my Dad could remember, something like 607 S-L-I-M-M-A-N. They guy explained that there weren’t a whole lot of numbers available for that area. I had no idea what he was talking about, but he told me a number had just become available – some guy had just cancelled his service.We took that number.We got in the car, started the long drive home, up the small, winding two-lane mountain road that led Rat Tail Ridge. My Dad held the phone in his hand, like he was holding a severed animal head in his palm.PING! My dad got a text message. He looked at me.“What the hell is that?”I grabbed the phone and looked at it. It was a photo of a woman with no clothes on.Now, I can appreciate the female form in its most natural state. Since the beginning of time, artists have been trying to capture that marvelous naked beauty on canvas and in marble.But the photo on my Dad’s cell phone was of a woman who weighed at least 400 pounds. She was completely naked, and it was hard to tell what she was doing. It looked like she was trying to scratch her head with her big toe. Not the kind of pose that would inspire Leonardo da Vinci.My Dad took the phone and looked at the photo.“Is that a vagina?”For all of my Dad’s cussing, he used delicate words when it came to the women folk.“It’s kind of hard to tell, Paps, but yes, I think it is.”A few minutes later - PING! He looked at his phone.“What the hell is that?”I grabbed his phone. I almost drove off the road. It was another photo of an incredibly large woman on her knees, completely naked, on all fours. It looked like she was looking on the floor for a contact lens.Funny, my Dad wasn’t into any of that kind of stuff. He never had girly mags around, never even had a Playboy. I never found any of that stuff around the house when I was a kid, and I rarely use the word “never.”PING!They kept coming. Text photos of huge naked women. My Dad asked if all cell phones were like this. I explained to him that the guy who had the number before was probably into some kinky stuff, and I would try and fix it when we got home.We got to Rat Tail Ridge, and I fixed his phone, blocked some numbers, cleared out some junk. I programmed some numbers on the speed dial. I explained to my Dad that all he had to do was press and hold the number "1" key, and it would call me.I set it up so number "2" was his Off-Track Betting account, so he could play the horses. Then I put in his wife’s number, my sister’s number, the other kids’ numbers, the nurse, the hospital, his proctologist and he was good to go.My Dad started enjoying his cell phone. Whenever my Dad called, he’d never say hello, how are you. He’d just start talking. Most of the conversations were quick and to the point. Then he’d hang up without saying goodbye. No hello, no goodbye.I loved my Dad even though he wasn’t an easy guy to love. We started talking on the phone, just about every day.He passed away last year. I still have his cell number on my phone.I just can’t bear to erase it.BROCCOLI WITH RED, YELLOW AND ORANGE BELL PEPPERSMy Dad didn’t like vegetables. When he got older, I would try and get him to eat a salad, or some vegetables, and he’d say,“I’m 86 years old. I’ve made it this far without eating that shit, and I ain’t startin’ now.”He wasn’t all warm and fuzzy.This dish can be used as a side dish, or as an appetizer. You can serve it over rice, pasta, or on bruschetta. Put it on a pizza! It’s colorful, healthy and delizioso.This will serve four people, or one really huge naked woman.INGREDIENTS4 tablespoons olive oil6 cloves of garlic, sliced thin, about 2 tablespoonsCrushed red pepper (to taste--I use ¼  teaspoon to start)¼ cup dry white wine1 orange bell pepper, seeds and stems removed, chopped1 red bell pepper, seeds and stems removed, chopped1 yellow bell pepper, seeds and stems removed, chopped4 cups broccoli florets¾ cup vegetable broth (or chicken broth)Salt (to taste)Here we go…Get a large pan, put it over medium-low heat.Add the olive oil, the garlic, and the crushed red pepper and cook for a couple minutes until the garlic is a light gold color.Add the white wine, turn the heat up to high, and cook for two minutes.Then reduce the heat back to medium-low.Add the peppers, and cook for 5 minutes. Stir often.Add the broccoli.Add the vegetable broth, and turn the heat to high until it starts to bubble.Once bubbly, turn the heat down to a simmer. Cook for an additional 6 minutes until the broccoli is done. Stir often.Taste for salt and adjust.Some people like their broccoli crunchy. I like it cooked – not mushy, but firm. This dish is delish with fish—any one of the Slim Fish Dishes would go well with this. Especially Salmon Ella.MANGIAMO!!!

Slim Man Cooks Tomato Sauce

Tomato Sauce and Bonnie Raitt

In the mid-1970s, I was doing sound-alike records in a recording studio in Timonium, Maryland.  The studio was Blue Seas.  It was owned by Steve Boone, who was the bass player in the Lovin’ Spoonful.  Steve is from New York. How he ended up in Baltimore, I don’t know.I heard there was a woman involved.I was in Studio B doing ‘sound-alike’ songs for K-Tel Records.  This is how it worked - K-Tel would keep their eyes on the pop charts.  As soon as a song looked like it was gonna be a hit, they rushed you into the studio to do a cover version, which they would release as soon as possible.The song title would be the same, but where the band name was supposed to appear they would put “Not the Original Artist.”At the time, I was doing a version of “Rock the Boat” by the Hues Corporation.  I was trying to make my voice sound like that guy’s voice.  When he hits that really high note at the very end of the song?  I tried to mimic it and almost gave myself a hernia.So if you ever hear a version of “Rock the Boat” and the band is listed as “Not the Original Artist” - that’s me.Who was in Studio A, the big studio with the grand piano and all the fancy gear?Little Feat.  One of my favorite bands.  They were working on Feats Don’t Fail Me Now.  I would peek in the door every now and then.  There was a lot of partying going on, right there in the control room.  Don’t get me wrong – some great music was being made.  But the atmosphere in Studio A was completely different than Studio B.  Studio A was definitely more festive.  I think the phrase “sex and drugs and rock ‘n roll” might have been coined there.I was in Studio B during the day.  At night, I used to play a place called Mother Lode’s Wild Cherry.  It was a crazy rock and roll joint.  It had a curving sliding board that started on the third-floor balcony, crossed the stage – which was on the second floor–and emptied out on to the dance floor.The drummer in Little Feat, Richie Hayward, used to come and sit in with us at Mother Lode’s.  He was amazing.  The club was open until 2 AM, and the next day I’d go do sound-alikes in Studio B, and Richie would play drums with Little Feat in Studio A.One day I got to the studio about an hour early.  My Mom had just brought home the Rags to Rufus record the day before.  Rags to Rufus was the first record by a band called Rufus, Chaka Khan was the singer. My Mom brought home lots of great music.  There was a record store up the street from our house.  My Mom didn’t drive, so she’d walk up to the store.  They guy would tell her what was good; she’d buy the record and bring it home.My Mom brought home a wide variety of incredible music, way before anybody else discovered it. Aretha.  Isaac Hayes.  Judy Collins.  The Beatles. The Band.  Donovan.  B.B. King.  My Mom had Bonnie Raitt records before anybody knew who Bonnie Raitt was.So, I was sitting in Studio B and I put the Rags to Rufus record on the turntable and turned it up.  The first song came on. That’s when Bonnie Raitt walked in.  I knew who she was, and asked her what she was doing in Baltimore. She told me she was in Studio A, singing back-ups for Little Feat. She listened for a minute and then asked me who the singer was.  I told her. Chaka Khan.  That first song kicked us both in the head—“You Got the Love.”   But the song that really knocked us out was a song called “Tell Me Something Good.” When that tune came on, we both were floored.Bonnie Raitt and I sat and listened to the whole Rags to Rufus album together.  We didn’t talk much.  We just listened.  Bonnie Raitt.  And Yours Truly.  The Rufus album ended, we said goodbye, and she walked out of the studio.  I never saw her again.About five years later, I met the guy who placed “Tell Me Something Good” with Rufus.Carl Griffin discovered that song.  He was VP at Motown, and he was going through old Stevie Wonder songs, and he heard this really rough demo that Stevie did of “Tell Me Something Good.”  Carl loved the song, saw its potential, and placed it with Rufus.The song won a Grammy.I met Carl five years later.  It was a strange coincidence, how I met him; but Carl ended up signing me as a songwriter to Motown - five years after I sat with Bonnie Raitt listening to “Tell Me Something Good,” a song Carl discovered.One last crazy thing -Blue Seas eventually moved their studio from Timonium to a barge in the Inner Harbor of Baltimore. Bonnie Raitt recorded an album there.  Verdine White from Earth, Wind and Fire recorded there.  On Christmas Day, 1977, the barge sank.  It was not insured.  There were rumors of drug debts, mob vengeance, and loan sharks.  But not insurance fraud.BASIC TOMATO SAUCEIf I ever have to face a firing squad, and they ask me what I want for my last meal, I’d ask for pasta with tomato sauce. Can I get a glass of wine with that? A couple meatballs? Take your time!This is a simple sauce: tomatoes, basil and garlic. It’s quick, easy, healthy and delizioso. It’s also versatile—put it over pasta, and it takes on a starring role, like Marlon Brando in The Godfather. Use it in lasagna or eggplant Parmigiana, and it takes on a supporting role, like Robert Duvall in The Godfather. Use it on a pizza, and it takes on a smaller, but important role, like Diane Keaton in…The Godfather.This recipe uses two 28-ounce cans of whole, peeled, Italian tomatoes. San Marzano are best, but a little pricey. The yield is about 6 or 7 cups. In the video, I use a 6-pound can of tomatoes. I have since come to my senses.Ingredients2 twenty-eight ounce cans of whole, peeled Italian tomatoes3 tablespoons olive oil (extra virgin, or at least one that hasn’t been sleeping around)6 cloves of garlic, sliced thin, about 3 tablespoonsCrushed red pepper to taste (I start off with 1/4 teaspoon)1 large handful fresh basil, about 1 cup, loosely packedKosher saltHere we go…Put the tomatoes in a large bowl.Smoosh, yes, smoosh the tomatoes with your hands.  Don’t be afraid, dig in and squeeze your tomatoes, it’s fun.  There’s a small, bitter yellow core that needs to be removed. Also, get rid of any tomato skins, stems or other funky stuff that doesn’t look like it belongs.Put your olive oil in a large sauté pan over medium heat.Put in the garlic and the crushed red pepper.   Sauté a couple minutes until the garlic is pale gold.  Stir occasionally. Don’t burn your garlic! It tastes really bitter when burned.Add your tomatoes.  Turn the heat on high.Grab half the basil leaves, and snip with scissors (or tear into small pieces by hand) right into the sauce.Add salt to taste.When the sauce comes to a boil, reduce to medium-low heat, and simmer for about 25 minutes.  Stir it every few minutes.After 25 minutes, take the remaining basil leaves, and snip into the sauce.  Stir it up.Remove from heat.  Taste for salt and pepper and adjust, if needed.MANGIAMO!!

Slim Man Cooks Asparagus and Portobello Sauce

The first time I saw Mombo was when he pulled up in an old VW bus in a cloud of exhaust smoke and dust.  He got out holding two large paper bags and said, “Anybody hungry?”Two of my favorite words.The night before, the Slim Men had played at the State Theater in Modesto, California. I had never been to Modesto before.The radio station there was playing a lot of songs from the first Slim Man CD - End of the Rainbow.  I called up the radio station to see if there were any places to play in Modesto.  They told me about John Griswold.John was, and still is, a valiant promoter of the arts. I called up John and he booked me – sight unseen – at the State Theater, a timeless Art-Deco movie theater that had been renovated.  It was beautiful, with red velvet seats, a big wooden stage, and a balcony overlooking everything.  The first Slim Man show there was a blast.After the show, a young lady came up to me and said,“My husband plays percussion.  He’s really good.  You should have him play with you sometime.”I looked at the sparkle in her eye and said,“Tell him to show up in Sacramento tomorrow.  We’ve got a show there.”The next afternoon, at the Cal-Expo State Fair in Sacramento, a VW bus pulled up.  A large Mexican-American man got out, introduced himself, and asked us if we were hungry.  We went into the dressing room, which was a small trailer to the side of the stage.Mombo pulled out some burritos the size of footballs.  John E Coale, the faithful Slim Man drummer, and Rick O’Rick, loyal Slim Man keyboard player, looked at the huge burritos.We ate.  Mombo had made the burritos himself.  They were delicious.  Turns out Mombo owned a small restaurant in a nearby town called Lodi. After we finished the burritos, we went out to do our sound check.  Mombo set up his congas and bongos, and we, the Slim Men, did our sound check.  Mombo sounded good.  Really good.The year was 1996.  Those first few Slim Man Tours were pretty crazy--we were on a real tight budget.  It was basically Johnny, Rick and I traveling around the USA in an Isuzu Rodeo, packed to the max with all our gear. We’d add a sax player, a trumpet player or a percussionist wherever we went.It’s always an adventure when you go on stage with someone you’ve never played with before, but from the first note, Mombo played his heart out.  He fit in like he’d been playing with us from day one.  Mombo has played just about every gig the Slim Men have done in California since then.I learned two things that night.  One was to keep an open mind – you never know who you might meet.The other thing I learned was - don’t eat a burrito the size of a football before a big show.  Wow!  There was enough gas on stage to get us halfway across the country.  Mamma mia!Mombo and I became great friends.  A man who loves music and cooking? What's not to love? His wife, Kim (I call her Kimbo) and their two daughters have a special place in the Slim Heart.  To this day, we all keep in touch on a regular basis.This great friendship happened because Kimbo had the guts to ask me if Mombo could play with us.  I took a chance on an unknown guy and it paid off big.  John Griswold took a chance on an unknown band named Slim Man, and John and I have become true blue amigos. It all worked out magnificently.  Better than I ever could have asked for.Mombo and Kimbo have a great relationship.  They met when they were teenagers.  They have a wonderful marriage.  How wonderful, you ask?One time Mombo and I were in an outdoor hot tub at a swanky resort after a Slim Man show.  Two young, pretty girls walked over to the hot tub and asked if they could join us.  I had never met them before, had never seen them before.  Mombo said, “Sure.”They took off all their clothes and got in. Naked babes in a hot tub! Mombo started chatting it up with these girls like they were in line at a Starbucks.  I felt guilty and I wasn’t even doing anything wrong; but then I feel guilty all day everyday even when I don’t do anything wrong.Mombo and I had our swimsuits on.  They stayed on.  But still, I felt pangs of guilt.  All we did was chat and relax.  Afterwards, they toweled off, got dressed and left. The next day, I saw Mombo and asked him what he wanted me to say if Kimbo asked me about last night.“I already told her.”What?!?“Yeah. Why not?  Nothing happened.”Why shouldn’t he tell her? Mombo hadn’t done anything wrong. Kimbo trusted Mombo.Then I remembered a song, the lyrics went something like, “It’s all about love, it’s all about trust.”I think it was a song called “Faith in Us.”ASPARAGUS AND PORTOBELLO MUSHROOM SAUCEThis sauce would be great in a burrito. An Italian burrito!Why does asparagus make your pee smell funny?  I don’t know. It’s weird.When the first Slim Man CD--End of the Rainbow--was released, we got invited to dinner at this very cool and stylish restaurant in San Francisco.  The single “Faith in Us” was in the Top Ten. We had just done a really successful show at the prestigious American Music Hall. And now the boys in the band were having dinner with Kent and Keith Zimmerman.Keith and Kent are twins.  They were editors at a music magazine called Gavin Report, a magazine that tagged me as “A male Sade” a quote that I love because Sade is one of my favorite artists. Kent and Keith are very talented big-time writers. I read their book about Sonny Barger, the guy who started the Hell’s Angels motorcycle club. It’s really good. They just finished a book about Earth, Wind and Fire.At this restaurant in San Francisco, I had a dish of pasta with asparagus and portobello mushrooms, but it was missing something. Know what it was missing?  Me!  I had to Slimmify it.  So when I got back to the Slim Shack I created this dish – now one of my favorites.  It took me a while to get it just right.I added some Gorgonzola cheese, which is a blue cheese from Italy.  If you don’t like Gorgonzola, you can substitute another creamy cheese, like goat cheese.  If you don’t like cheese, leave it out!I also use toasted chopped walnuts, which go well with the asparagus and portobello mushrooms. Chop up your nuts, put them in a dry pan over medium-high heat, and shake and toast until brown.To prepare the mushrooms, rinse thoroughly.  Remove the stems.  Peel the skin from the top of the caps and discard.  Slice into bite-sized pieces.To prepare the asparagus, grab the bottom of a spear with the thumb and forefinger of one hand.  Grab the top of the spear with the thumb and forefinger of your other hand. Bend in an arc until it breaks,  Discard the lower stalk.  Chop the remaining stalk into small pieces, about an inch long.  Leave the asparagus head whole. Do this with the entire bunch of asparagus. Rinse well, pat dry with paper towels.INGREDIENTS3 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil, plus a tablespoon for the pasta5 cloves garlic, peeled and chopped (about 2 tablespoons)Crushed red pepper (I start with ¼ teaspoon)3 cups portobello mushrooms, prepared as instructed above3 cups asparagus, prepared as instructed above½ cup vegetable broth (or chicken)½ cup dry white wine1 pound farfalle pasta (penne rigate would also work well)½ cup crumbled Gorgonzola cheese (¼ for the pasta, and ¼ cup for topping off each dish)½ cup walnuts, toasted in a dry pan over medium-high heatKosher saltFor the pastaGet a large pot; fill it with the coldest water you got, put it on your highest heat. Why cold water? Hot water tastes weird, maybe because it’s been sitting in the hot water heater.As the water comes to a boil –Make your sauceIn a large saucepan, add the olive oil over medium-low heat.Add the garlic and the crushed red pepper.Cook for 5 minutes until the garlic is pale gold.Add the portobello mushrooms.Cook for 5 minutes, stir every so often.Add the asparagus.Add the broth and the wine.  Turn the heat to high.When it comes to a boil, reduce the heat to medium-low.Cook until the asparagus and mushrooms are tender, about 5 to 7 minutes or so.NOTE! The thinner the asparagus, the less time it will take to cook.Taste for salt and pepper and adjust.Remove from heat.Back to the PastaWhen the water comes to a boil add 2 tablespoons of kosher salt.  Add your pound of pasta.Follow the instructions on the box. Two minutes before it’s supposed to be done, taste a piece of pasta. If it is chalky in the center, it is not done. Cook until it is not chalky or chewy. Check every 2 minutes. it might take longer than the instructions. When the pasta is al dente, firm to the bite, drain it in a colander.Put the pasta in a large bowl, add a tablespoon of olive oil, and mick ‘em up.Take about 2/3 of the asparagus portobello sauce and add it to the pasta, and mix.Add ¼ cup of the Gorgonzola (or whatever cheese you choose) to the pasta, mick’ em up.Dish it up! Put some pasta on a dish.  Add a dollop of sauce on top, add a sprinkle of Gorgonzola (or whatever cheese you want) and a sprinkle of toasted walnuts and…MANGIAMO!!!!!!!!