Men sometimes go a couple days without showering. If it’s a weekend, and nobody’s coming over, most men just let it go. I hate to admit this, SlimNation, but I do this maybe once a month when I’m in solitary confinement at the Fortress of Slim Solitude.Well, a couple days ago, I was tired, dead on my feet. I was starving, but I didn’t want to take a shower and go to the store; I just wanted to barricade myself in the Slim Shack and hibernate. So I took a look around to see what was available.I call this pot luck pasta. I’ve done it many times. Back when I was a starving musician, I’d take a look in the cupboard and the fridg and make a sauce of whatever I could find. Sometimes it was good. Sometimes it wasn’t.I once made a pasta sauce with Swiss cheese that was so hard to gag down that one of the guys in the band named it “Fettucine del Cemento.” Seriously.It sat in the bowl like a mound of muddy muck. It was so chewy that it could’ve pulled the fillings out of your teeth. I could have fixed the front sidewalk with it.But last night I made this pot luck pasta sauce and it was really good. You know it’s really good when you heat it up the next day and it tastes even better than the day before. And this was good, Slim People.So, taking inventory at the Slim Shack, I saw that I had some broccoli. I also had a thing of grape tomatoes. I tasted both, because if you take a taste of broccoli, for instance, and your first instinct is to spit it on the floor, you might not want to use it in your sauce.The broccoli tasted good; the grape tomatoes were some of the most delicious I’ve ever tasted. They were organic, they were not expensive, and they were so good I ate a handful right there. I just kept popping them in my tomato hole. The tomatoes were also beautiful; red, yellow, orange, green.Then, I looked in the freezer and noticed some frozen shrimp, wild. And on the refrigerator door I had about a half a glass of pinot grigio left in the bottom of a bottle, and I found a Tupperware of toasted pine nuts (pignoli) on the shelf that I had leftover from making pesto sauce.So I put them all together, and…she was a-so nice! Seriously delish and nutrish.I put it over pasta, but you can put it over bruschetta, or rice, or on a pizza. The pasta I used had a strange name that I don’t remember, it looked like penne rigate, but it had a fold running down the center. It was in a half-pound package. And it was delizioso!So, here it is. Slim’s Pot Luck Pasta without the pot. But with all the luck!Oh, and I took a shower the next day. I didn’t want you Slim People to think Uncle Slimmy had gone all raggedy on ya.
INGREDIENTS ½ pound of pasta (spaghetti or linguine work well, but use what ya gots!)Olive oil, a couple tablespoons6 large garlic cloves, smashed and peeledCrushed red pepper to taste1 cup broccoli florets (make sure the pieces are small)½ cup dry white wine¾ pound medium wild shrimp, de-shelled and de-veined2 tablespoons of butter, cut into small pieces1 cup grape tomatoes, cut in half, seeds squeezed out¼ cup toasted pine nuts (pignoli toasted in a dry pan over medium heat, shake often)OPTIONAL: freshly grated Parmigiano cheese for schprinkling, will explain later!HERE WE GO…Get a large pot, fill it full of cold water, put it on the highest heat possible. ALWAYS KEEP THE HEAT HIGH!When the water comes to a boil, add a couple tablespoons of coarse Kosher salt.Add the pasta. Stir often. As the pasta cooks, now let’s whip up the sauce…DA SAUCEGet a large saute pan, put it over medium heat, and add 2 tablespoons of olive oil.Add the garlic cloves, let them saute a couple minutes until pale gold, then turn over and do the same to the other side. DON’T BURN YOUR GARLIC. It tastes really bitter, Slim Folks.
Add the broccoli, and give it a stir. Cook for a couple minutes until the broccoli wilts, stir often.Add the white wine, turn up the heat to high, and let the wine cook off for a minute or two.Turn the heat back to medium and add the shrimp in a single layer, sprinkle with a little salt.Let the shrimp cook for 2 minutes or so, then turn them over, sprinkle a little salt on top.Add the butter, arrange the pieces between the shrimp.Let this cook for 2 minutes or so, and then add the grape tomatoes.Give it a GENTLE stir, and let the tomaters heat up for a minute or two.REMOVE FROM HEAT, SAUCE IS DONE DA DONE DONE!The pasta? Remember that?When the pasta is al dente, firm to the bite, drain it, put it in a beautiful bowl, and drizzle with a little olive oil, give it a stir or three.Add the sauce right on top of the pasta, and give it a gentle stir.Dish it up! Put a serving in one of them expensive-looking plates, sprinkle a few pine nuts on top.Some women folk I know like to put grated Parmigiano cheese on top. Most Italians don’t do this, but if the Slim Woman wants cheese, save yourself some trouble, my Man Friends, and just shut up and grate.
MANGIAMO!
Slim Man Cooks Chicken with Marsala and Porcini Mushrooms
Chicken Marsala with Elvis in Memphis
I was in Memphis in the late 1980s organizing a country music talent contest with my friend Michael.Michael is black. I’m white. Well, Italian.Marlboro sponsored the contest. Why they picked a black guy and a white guy — two city slickers, no less — to do a country music talent contest, is still puzzling.It’s not puzzling why Michael and I did the contest - they paid us a lot of money and they paid all our expenses. I ended up doing four tours for Marlboro. The one with Michael was my first.Michael and I traveled around the USA looking for the next big country music star. We went to more honkytonk hellholes than most cowboys. We’d roll into a town like Memphis, find a club, organize the bands, and do the contest. The grand prize was $50,000. Fifty grand.I was in charge of the bands; I made sure all the musicians knew where to go, what to bring, and what to do. Michael was the MC. He was the Ryan Seacrest of honkytonks. When Michael appeared on stage, and introduced himself to the primarily white, all-country crowd, there was a little apprehension - on both sides of the microphone.He’d come out and say,“Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the Marlboro Country Music Talent Roundup.”That’s when the crowd got a little quiet. Michael was from New York City, and he sounded like it. He’d continue,“I know I don’t look like the Marlboro Man, and I don’t sound like the Marlboro Man, but tonight…”He’d reach down and put on his white ten-gallon Hoss Cartwright cowboy hat on, and continue,“I am the Marlboro Man.”Michael sounded like Shannon Sharpe — the football player and NFL analyst. He looked like Cleavon Little in Blazing Saddles. Michael always got a laugh when he put the big white hat on. He had a singular charm.Marlboro tossed a lot of money at this thing. We had all kinds of great merchandise — denim jackets, satin jackets, duffle bags, playing cards, T-shirts, polo shirts, denim shirts, posters. And they gave away free cigarettes at every show. All you could smoke.They should have given away a Marlboro coffin. Or maybe a Marlboro iron lung.Here’s how we ran the contest - we had ten bands a night, three nights in a row. Each band got 15 minutes on stage. We had three minutes in between bands, that’s all.Judges picked the winners--not the audience. We’d find judges —usually three — from the local talent pool; DJs, producers, managers, agents. The judges would pick one band to go on to the finals in Nashville, where they would compete with the other finalists from other towns for the grand prize of $50,000.Before we got to Memphis, we got a call from Marlboro headquarters. They told us to be careful. It was the 20th anniversary of Martin Luther King’s assassination in Memphis. And then they told us that the club owner was rumored to have ties to the KKK.The club was called The Vapors, a country music honky-tonk in the middle of Memphis. Michael and I pulled up to the club in our rental car. We walked inside and met the owner. He was friendly. He was as nice and helpful as could be. He wasn’t wearing a white pillowcase over his head.
Michael and I got set up for the show that night. We had to hang all the Marlboro Country Music Roundup signs around the club, we had to make sure the sound company was good to go, the bands ready to play, and the judges prepared to judge.We finished soundcheck and had a few hours before showtime. Michael had a friend who had a limo and tour bus company based in Memphis. She rented these things out to bands and rock stars. She invited us for a limo ride to Graceland and a private tour. She was a friend of Elvis Presley’s Mom.Graceland is the house that Elvis built. It’s now a museum.Michael and I drove over to his friend’s house. She had all these limos and tour buses parked all around her property. She got behind the wheel of one of the limos and Michael and I got in back. She put the big black limo in reverse and floored it.She rammed it into the side of one of her tour buses that was parked right behind her. BANG! We got out, and surveyed the damage. It was substantial — to both the limo and the tour bus.She left the smashed-up limo right there, and got into another one and drove us over to Graceland. She gave us a private tour. We saw the Graceland that not many people get to see. It was surprisingly small, and had a sixties vibe to it—lots of yellow vinyl and white shag carpets and mirrored walls.Elvis must have loved TV. There were TVs everywhere. He had quite a collection of cars, all kinds of exotic sports cars. Elvis also had two luxury jets parked right across the street from Graceland.
After the Graceland tour, Michael and I went to visit the Lorraine Motel, where Martin Luther King, Jr. was assassinated. There were TV news crews doing interviews about the 20th anniversary, and one of them came up to Michael and interviewed him.It was eerie.Michael and I went back to our hotel, a Holiday Inn. We decided to take a jog before the big show that night. We put on our running shoes and started jogging down the streets of Memphis, side-by-side.On our way back, we heard someone shout from a car – you’ll have to excuse the language, but this is the way it went down.“Hey nigguh boy! Hey hippie fag!”True story. That’s exactly what was said. I couldn’t believe my ears. Then I heard it again.“Hey nigguh boy! Hey hippie fag!”Oh, shit, I thought. Here we go. A black guy and a long haired white guy, running down the streets of Memphis. I stopped and looked to see where the voice was coming from.It was the owner of the Vapors. He was laughing, hanging out the window of his car, smacking his hand on the door.“I got you! I got you goin’! See you fellas at the club later! Have a nice run!”
He smiled and waved and drove off, laughing.He got us, all right.We did the contest that night at The Vapors. The owner couldn’t have been nicer, the crowd was as cool as could be and the show went as smooth as glass.I love Memphis - Sun Studio, Graceland, Beale Street - and any city with a restaurant named Automatic Slim’s is OK in my book.CHICKEN WITH MARSALA AND PORCINI MUSHROOMSAutomatic Slim’s did not have chicken Marsala on the menu. But they should have!I came up with this dish a few weeks ago. I used porcini mushrooms and the water they soak in. It was amazing, if I may say so myself.The next night I cooked it for a very beautiful woman of excellent taste, and it was just OK. I overcooked the chicken, and it was a bit tough and dry; so don’t overcook your chicken.I like to serve this sauce over egg noodles – not a lot, just a little bit underneath each serving.I used three boneless, skinless chicken breasts. They were real thick, so I cut each of them in half. I had six cutlets, each was about ¼ inch thick.Marsala is a wine from Marsala, Sicily. There are basically two kinds; dry and sweet. I used sweet Marsala.Be careful when handling raw chicken—clean every surface it touches, wash your hands, and get out the pressure washer and put on the HazMat suit.
INGREDIENTS6 chicken breast cutlets, about ¼ inch thick½ ounce dried porcini mushrooms (soaked in 1 cup of water for a minimum of 20 minutes—don’t throw out the water!)2 tablespoons butter2 tablespoons olive oil½ shallot, chopped fine, about 2 tablespoons3 garlic cloves, sliced thin, about 1 tablespoon¾ cup sweet Marsala1 cup of water1 tablespoon fresh rosemary, chopped½ pound of egg noodles – pappardelle work wellKosher salt and pepper to tasteHere we go…Rinse off your chicken breasts and pat them dry with paper towels.Remove the porcini mushrooms from the cup of water with a slotted spoon.Take the remaining porcini water and strain through cheesecloth — I used a coffee filter, by the way. I’ve even used paper towels as strainers. Whatever you use, save the water – you’ll use a half cup for the sauce, and a half cup in the pasta water, if you want to put the sauce over pasta.Rinse off the mushrooms and pat dry. Chop into small pieces.Grab your breasts. Then grab your chicken breasts. Notice the difference. Salt and pepper the top of the chicken breasts. Fresh cracked black pepper is the way to go. Salt and pepper just one side of the chicken breasts.
Let’s make the sauce first.Put a small sauté pan over medium heat.Add one tablespoon of butter, and one tablespoon of olive oil.When the butter starts to bubble, add the shallots.Cook and stir for 2 minutes, until the shallots just start to brown.Add the garlic, cook for 2 minutes. Give it a stir.Add the Marsala.Add ½ cup of porcini water.Turn the heat to high and let it cook for 2 minutes.Turn the heat to medium-low, and add the porcini mushrooms.Cook for 2 minutes while stirring.Add the rosemary. Cook and stir for 2 minutes.Remove from heat. Sauce is done!Let’s do the chicken.
Get a large sauté pan (I used a 12 inch skillet). Put it over medium-high heat.Add 1 tablespoon of butter and 1 tablespoon of olive oil.When the butter starts to bubble, add the chicken breasts, salted/peppered side down.Cook for 2 or 3 minutes until golden.Flip ‘em over.Cook for 2 or 3 minutes on the other side until golden. Give a cutlet a slice, make sure it’s done.Pour the Marsala/porcini sauce over the breasts.Remove from heat!Plate ‘em up! You can put this sauce over egg noodles, or rice, or eat it as is.I like to put this sauce over egg noodles--pappardelle are my favorite. I use a half-pound. Get a large pot, fill it with cold water. Add the remaining ½ cup of porcini water to the pasta water. When it all comes to a boil, add 2 tablespoons of kosher salt.Add the egg noodles, cook until al dente, drain and drizzle with a tablespoon of olive oil. Stir.Put A SMALL PORTION of egg noodles on a plate. Put some Marsala sauce over the noodles, put a chicken breast on top, spoon some sauce and juice and mushrooms on top and…
MANGIAMO!!!!!!!!!
Slim Man Cooks Luigi's Chicken
Luigi’s Chicken and Luigi
Luigi was my grandfather. Luigi Quintiliano. Grandpa Luke is what I called him. He was quite a character, a tough guy, an Italian immigrant. He left Italy, came to New York City, got his start as a tailor in a sweatshop, and then got involved in the labor unions.Luigi was an anarchist. Just so you don’t have to look it up, an anarchist is someone who doesn’t believe in government, thinks we might be better off running things on our own.Luigi was a political activist; he helped edit the anti-Fascist Italian newspaper Il Martello, which was started by labor organizer Carlo Tresca. Tresca survived an assassination attempt by Fascists, but was later gunned down by the Mafia because he insulted a mob boss.Luigi was also secretary of the Italian Committee for Political Victims, which raised money to defend Italians who had been imprisoned because of their political beliefs. Luigi helped raise funds for Sacco and Vanzetti, two Italian anarchists who had been accused of murder and robbery.Most folks conclude that they were railroaded. Luigi testified at their trial. Sacco and Vanzetti were convicted of murder in 1921. The case was appealed. For the next six years, the Sacco and Vanzetti case got worldwide attention. Protests were held in most major cities in the world.Luigi helped raise money for the appeals process to try to get them acquitted. But in 1927, the verdict was upheld, and Sacco and Vanzetti were executed. Most scholars agree that they were convicted because of their anarchist beliefs, not because they were guilty of murder.Luigi carried a gun, a 32 automatic. He was handsome, well-dressed and elegant. He was also an anarchist, a radical, an activist. But to me, he was Grandpa Luke; the guy who gave me silver dollars and said “donna tella nobody.” He was always so sweet to me.
I didn’t find out until I was older that Luigi wasn’t my real grandfather. My real grandfather died before I was born. Luigi was my grandmother’s…boyfriend? That sounds weird. Lover? Even weirder, especially for a grandson. They were in love, Angela and Luigi. That’s for sure.Even though they were never married, a lot of folks knew them as husband and wife. In the US census in 1940, they were listed as Luigi and Angela Quintiliano. Back in those days, two people in love didn’t just shack up. They usually got married if they wanted to live together. But Luigi, being an anarchist and all, didn’t believe in marriage. Even though Angela and Luigi never got married, I know they loved each other.Luigi had a sister, Estherina, who was a nun. She was in a convent in Italy, and then later was assigned to a convent in New Jersey. Estherina wasn’t too happy about her situation in Jersey. Apparently, the convent in Italy was a lot more respectful of the nuns than the convent in Jersey. I imagine the food in the Italian convent was a little bit better than the one in Jersey.Estherina was miserable.Luigi was more than happy to help Estherina leave the convent. Luigi told Estherina that his friend, Joe, had agreed to marry her, so she could stay in this country.Luigi arranged for my uncle Oscar — Angela’s oldest son–to get her out of the convent.Oscar and a friend drove to the convent in New Jersey, snuck Estherina out of a window, over a wall, and then drove her to Baltimore. Luigi introduced Estherina to his friend Joe, and they got married. Luigi wanted Estherina to get married in order to become a US citizen, but he didn’t want her to stay married. But something crazy happened…Estherina and Joe fell in love. They moved up to Flushing, Queens and lived happily ever after in New York.Luigi continued his anti-marriage crusade. When Oscar was getting ready to get married, Luigi was against it. Oscar’s fiancé’s family was against it as well. They offered Oscar money not to get married.Luigi got offended. On one hand, he was against marriage. But on the other hand, Luigi was pissed off that they thought Oscar wasn’t good enough to marry their daughter. Harsh words were exchanged.Oscar’s fiancé’s family threatened Luigi with a gun. Luigi said, “You better not miss, because I never do.”There was always a lot of animosity between the families, but never any gunfire. Oscar got married anyway.When my Dad fell in love with my Mom and wanted to get married, he brought her to meet Angela and Luigi. Luigi made a feast. He made antipasti, pasta, cutlets, sauces, meats, and he kept serving my Mom.My Mom, being ever so gracious, ate what was served. Luigi was amazed that she hung in there like a real Italian. It was like he was testing her, and she passed with flying colors.Luigi developed a soft spot in his heart for my Mom. You could see he loved her.Luigi was still against marriage, so I guess that’s why my Mom and Dad eloped—they got married in New Orleans.
Luigi and Angela eventually broke up. I guess a girl can only take not being married for so long. Angela broke it off, somewhat reluctantly. I have letters from Angela to Luigi, and they are so sad. Angela really loved Luigi, but he couldn’t commit, couldn’t let himself go.What a shame.When Angela died, I was going through her stuff, and found Luigi’s gun at the bottom of a trunk. I still have it. It’s the only thing of Luigi’s I have, besides a few letters and this recipe…LUIGI’S CHICKENLuigi used to make this dish with rabbit. I don’t know if it’s because I love Bugs Bunny so much, but I’m not crazy about eating rabbit. I don’t wake up in the middle of the night and say “Damn! I wish I had me some rabbit to nibble on.”When I cook this dish, I use chicken. Most times, I use organic free-range chicken, although in all the western movies I’ve seen, and in all my travels, I’ve never seen herds of wild chickens roaming the free range. I’ve seen buffalo roaming. I’ve seen horses. But never chickens.When I first cooked this dish, I used chicken on the bone. I had my butcher dude chop each breast into three or four pieces, and each thigh into two pieces.When I cooked this recently for a lady people friend of mine, she mentioned that chicken cut like that would never fly in a restaurant – people might choke on the bones. She told me I should use boneless chicken.I felt like grabbing Luigi’s gun and firing a couple of rounds in the ceiling, but I didn’t. I just agreed.You know what? She’s right. You don’t want Grandpa Luke choking on a chicken bone!So the next time I made Luigi’s chicken, I used boneless, skinless chicken breasts and thighs. It was real good, but I thought that it could be even a bit mo’ better with just chicken thighs. Boneless, skinless chicken breasts don’t hold up well in a dish like this; they tend to get a little dry.So last night I cooked this dish with boneless, skinless chicken thighs. And it tasted really good. Moist and delizioso! I dig the dark meat, it really made this dish sing. Zippity Do Dah!I used about 2 pounds of chicken thighs. You need to cut them into thick pieces, about the size and shape of a flattened egg. Or a big chicken McNugget.The chicken needs to brown. That means the oil has to be hot enough so the chicken sears, but not too hot that it burns and sticks to the bottom of the pot. The chicken should sizzle when you first put it in. Don’t stir it around, let it sit and brown.. Each piece has to brown on each side. This is important; browning sears in the juices so the chicken doesn’t dry out. Browning also gives the stew a nice color.If the chicken thighs take longer than 5 minutes to brown on one side, your heat ain’t high enough.Dutch ovens are good for searing, and then making a stew like this. I used a 7-quart (12” diameter) Dutch oven. You can use any big, heavy pot.You’ll need to peel the pearl onions. It’s easy. Drop them (with the skin on) in boiling water for a few minutes. Remove, and cut off the tip of the root end. Grab the pearl onion by the top, and squeeze the onion out of the skin.In the video, I cook the pearl onions and the chicken together. I was using a really big Dutch oven, and everything fit easily. If you’re using a smaller, 7-quart Dutch oven, brown the chicken first, take it out, and then brown the pearl onions.And please be careful when you light the Cognac on fire. Stand back! It’s explosive. Have the water pistol loaded and ready.INGREDIENTS8 boneless, skinless chicken thighs, about 2 pounds, cut into large cubesFlour (a half cup should do) plus 1 tablespoon5 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil3 dozen or so pearl onions peeled (about 2 cups)2 ounces of Cognac (about ¼ cup)3 cups sliced white mushrooms1 ½ cups of chopped celery5 garlic cloves, chopped fine (about 2 tablespoons)2 ½ cups chicken stock1 cup dry red wine1 tablespoon fresh chopped rosemaryKosher SaltFreshly ground black pepperHERE WE GO!Rinse your chicken pieces in cold water.Pat dry with paper towels.Take some flour, put it on a plate.Take each piece of chicken, and roll it in the flour, coating all sides lightly.Do this with all the chicken. Salt and pepper the tops of the floured chicken pieces.Put some olive oil, a generous 3 tablespoons, in the bottom of a large pan or Dutch oven over medium-high heat.Let the pan heat for 2 minutes, and then add the chicken; salted/peppered side down.Add a little salt and pepper to the tops of the chicken pieces. Don’t stir; let the chicken brown for 4 or 5 minutes. The chicken needs to be BROWN, Slim People.Flip the pieces over and brown on the other side – still no stirring – for 4 or 5 minutes.Remove the chicken from the pan, and put on a plate.Put the onions in the pan and let them brown for about 3 minutes.Turn them over, and let them brown on the other side for about 3 minutes..Add the Cognac to the onions.Be careful!! Get a lighter with a long handle, and stand back as you light the Cognac on fire—it’s gonna explode!When the flames die down, and your wig has stopped burning, add the mushrooms and celery. Add a tablespoon of olive oil.Give’em a stir. Scrape the delicious bits off the bottom of the pan.Let the celery and mushrooms cook for 5 minutes, stir often.Add the garlic, cook for 3 minutes.Now, put the chicken back in the pan.Add 2 cups of the chicken stock.Add the cup of red wine.Add the rosemary.Turn the heat on high.When it comes to a boil, let it boil for a few minutes, then reduce the heat to medium-low, and cook, uncovered, for 10 minutes.Take a tablespoon of flour, whisk it in the remaining half-cup of chicken broth, and stir it into the sauce. The sauce needs to be thick, like gravy.Turn the heat to simmer, and cover and cook for about 30 minutes, until the chicken is tender, and the gravy is gravylicious! Stir every so often.Taste the sauce for salt and pepper and adjust.You can serve it as is, with some crusty bread or over egg noodles—I use a half-pound of pappardelle. You might want to cook them first.Cook the pasta according to the instructions. Drain, put in a bowl and drizzle with the final tablespoon of olive oil.Pour some of Luigi’s chicken over the egg noodles, make it look nice, and…MANGIAMO!