I don’t eat a lot of red meat. But when I was living with my uncle Oscar, he’d cook the occasional lamb chop, or Osso Buco. The guy was an amazing cook. His palate was refined. His senses were keen. He once walked out of the bedroom and told me I had overcooked the fish, and damned if I hadn’t.
He was in amazing shape, physically, mentally--in every way, Unc was in great condition. He was in his 80’s. He ate meat every once in a while.So I figured, what the hell—I’ll have what he’s having.Unc used to get pissed off when he was having a dinner party and people would call in advance and give him their dietary restrictions.“I can’t eat meat, I can’t have dairy, I can’t eat tomatoes, I don’t eat shellfish…”I once had a dinner party and a gal sent me a list of 20 things she couldn’t eat. One of them was eggplant. I had already made eggplant Parmigiano. So I made a Bolognese sauce as well. Just for her. It was one of the few things she could eat.It took three hours. She never showed up. True story.These days, when I go to a dinner party, I just shut up and eat whatever they’re serving. It hasn’t killed me yet.But there’s still time…NOTES:Thicker pieces of lamb take longer, thinner pieces take less time. Also, if you want them to be rare, obviously cook them for less time. For well-cooked, cook 'em longer!
INGREDIENTS1 pound lamb chops (I had 6, each about ¾ inch thick)1 tablespoon chopped fresh rosemary1 clove garlic, minced (a generous teaspoon)1 teaspoon olive oil, plus 1½ tablespoons for searing1½ tablespoons butter HERE WE GO!Put the chopped rosemary and the minced garlic on a chopping boardEven though they’re already chopped, chop ‘em up together for a minutePut them in a small bowlAdd a teaspoon of olive oil, mix it up.Place the lamb chops on a large plate
Rub a little of the rosemary/garlic/olive oil mixture on top of each lamb chop—only on one side!! Spread it around evenlyAdd a little Kosher salt and fresh cracked black pepperGet a large fry pan (I used a 10-inch pan)Turn the heat to highAdd the 1½ tablespoons of butter, and the remaining 1½ tablespoons of olive oilWhen the butter starts to brown, add the lamb chops—spiced side down!Turn the heat down to medium-highCook for 2 or 3 minutes.Using tongs, turn em overCook for another 2 or 3 minutes until doneThat’s it!!Plate it up, make it look nice, add a sprig of rosemary, maybe a dollop of risotto, a couple baked asparagus spears, and…MANGIAMO!
Slim Man Cooks Halibut Marsala
Slim Man Cooks Halibut MarsalaCooking can be a challenge sometimes. Not necessarily the cooking itself, it’s the people you’re cooking for! This one doesn’t eat dairy, that one doesn’t eat chicken, the other one doesn’t eat onions, another one doesn’t eat anything that had a mother…what’s a man to do?Well, I had some halibut, it was fresh and wild and caught that morning. I got it at the local fish store in Carlsbad, California. So I had that to work with. I was thinking of making a white wine sauce, but I wanted something different. So I figured I’d try a Marsala sauce on a piece of fish. Why fish? Because this one doesn’t eat chicken. And that one doesn’t eat veal.And Marsala sauce would be good on fish, especially a fish like halibut, and especially if you’re cooking for a Lady People. You see, Lady People like their sauce on the side. And Marsala sauce is cooked separately; you make the fish in one pan, and the sauce in another. So I dusted the halibut with flour that had been salted and peppered, and then sautéed it over medium-high heat in olive oil. Why olive oil, why not my usual combo of olive oil and butter?Because that one doesn’t do dairy. They’ll do eggs, but no dairy.So…I had it all figured out. I made the Marsala sauce first. As soon as it was done, I made the pasta, and drizzled it with olive oil and a little Marsala sauce. As soon as that was done, I cooked the fish, it only took 6 minutes.Why didn’t I do it all at once? Because the “F” factor goes way up when you have three things on the stove at the same time.So here we go, I’ll step you through it.NOTE!!! Prep your porcini mushrooms first! Put them in a cup of water and let them soak for 20 or 30 minutes. And cook the fish as soon as you flour it; you leave it sitting around and it won't fry right. And you know what Nat King Cole said...straighten up and fry right!Ingredients1 ½ pounds halibut filets, cut into rectangles½ ounce or more of dried porcini mushrooms (soaked in a bowl with 1 cup of water for a minimum of 20 minutes—don’t throw out the water!)1 cup flour7 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil1 shallot, chopped fine, about ¼ cup4 garlic cloves, sliced thin, about 1 tablespoon1 cup sweet Marsala1 tablespoon fresh rosemary, chopped½ pound of egg noodles—pappardelle work wellKosher salt and pepper to tasteHere we go!Let’s make the sauce first.Remove the porcini mushrooms from the cup of water with a slotted spoon.Take the remaining porcini water and strain through cheesecloth into a bowl. I’ve used paper towels, coffee filters, whatever you use, save the water!Rinse off the mushrooms and pat dry. Chop into small pieces.Put a small sauté pan over medium-high heat.Add 2 tablespoons or so of olive oil, (or one each of butter and olive oil).When the oil starts to shimmer, add the shallots.Cook and stir for 2 minutes, until the shallots just start to brown.Add the garlic, cook for 2 minutes. Give it a stir.Add the Marsala.Add the cup of porcini water.Turn the heat to high and let it cook for 2 minutes.Turn the heat to medium-low, and add the porcini mushrooms.Cook for 2 minutes while stirring.Add the rosemary. Cook and stir for 2 minutes.Turn the heat to the lowest, and let the sauce simmer for a few minutes. You can whisk in a sprinkle or three of flour if you want it to be a little thicker, more gravy-like.Now let’s make the pasta…follow the directions on the box, or follow mine…get a large pot, fill it with cold water, put it on the highest heat ya got, when it comes to a boil, add a couple tablespoons of salt (I use Kosher, Mazel Tov!), and then add the pasta. KEEP THE HEAT ON HIGH AT ALL TIMES!When it’s al dente, firm to the bite, drain it and drizzle with a tablespoon of olive oil, and mix gently. Add a couple tablespoons of the Marsala sauce and mix gently. Gently, Slim People!And Now for the Halibut…Rinse off your halibut filets and pat them dry with paper towels.Take the flour and put it on a flat plate. Add salt and pepper and whisk it up.Take a halibut filet, and press each side into the flour, shake off excess, put on a plate.Get a large sauté pan. Put it over medium-high heat.Add 4 tablespoons of olive oil. (Or 2 tablespoons of butter and 2 tablespoons of olive oil).When the oil starts to shimmer, add the halibut.Cook for 2 or 3 minutes until golden. Thicker pieces take longer.Flip ’em over. GENTLY!Cook for 2 or 3 minutes on the other side until golden.Put the fish on a platter.Plate ’em up! Put a piece of fish on a dish, a good-looking dish, not a paper plate, add a little pasta, then drizzle a little sauce over the fish and pasta, garnish with a sprig of rosemary, and…MANGIAMO!
Slim Man's Cod Pieces
You couldn't ask for a better friend than Cowboy Pickles. He has a recording studio outside Washington, D.C. It’s a studio, yes. But it’s really just a small spare room, in his humble home that’s close to the University of Maryland.I did the first Slim Man CD there. The second one, too.The room is about 20 feet long and 15 feet wide. It is stacked, floor-to-ceiling with audio equipment—old, new and everything in-between.Cowboy has never gotten rid of anything. Fender Rhodes electric pianos, old Hammond B3 organs, Hohner Clavinets, Mini-Moogs, Commodore 64 computers, old JBL speakers, amplifiers, cassette recorders, 8 track tape machines…every microphone, guitar, keyboard he's ever bought, he still owns. Some of it is junk. Some of it is priceless.Cowboy Pickles has an old rifle by the studio door—the kind you might see in an old Western movie. He has an ax--a big ax--by his toilet, as if he were expecting some crazed Meth-Head to come crashing through his bathroom window.Walking through the studio is like walking through a small maze. One false move and a wall of junk might fall on you and bust your cranium.
Batu loves Cowboy Pickles’ studio. He lays down on the floor and listens to the music, eyes half-closed like he’s in a state of bliss.The Pickles Compound is near a railroad track. It’s close to a small airport. And it’s so close to the University of Maryland that you can hear the marching band rehearsing in the distance.Cowboy Pickles gets some amazing sounds out of that little spare room.Recording vocals was a challenge. The timing had to be just right or else the microphone would pick up all those noises…planes taking off, trains passing by.And the air conditioner had to be shut off or else the mic would pick up the hum. Which wasn’t bad in winter. But in the dead of summer, when it’s 90 degrees and 90% humidity, it was murder without AC.And we did most of our recording in the summer. Cowboy Pickles is a music teacher--he gives private piano and guitar lessons. And when his students went on summer vacation, we'd have a lot of time to record.Whenever we got ready to do vocals, we’d shut off the AC. Then we’d open the windows and listen for…planes, trains, marching bands, lawn mowers, dogs barking.If all was quiet on the Eastern Front, we’d record.Sometimes, we’d get a great vocal take. But when we’d listen back to the track all by itself, we’d sometimes hear a plane landing. Or a train going by. Or a car horn.Birds chirping was OK. I kinda liked the way it sounded.But a marching band…unless it was somehow miraculously in time with the song we were working on, we’d have to start all over. Any time there was an open microphone—vocals, sax, etc., we had to listen closely for all kinds of extraneous noises.Most of them we caught. Some we didn't...We were mixing a song called Shelter From A Storm, from the stunning Slim Man debut CD, "End of the Rainbow." Mixing is the final part of the process where you determine the volume and tone of the tracks you've recorded. We were listening to the song, and I heard the phone ring. I yelled to Cowboy Pickles...“Answer the phone!”Cowboy picked up the phone. No one there.We went back to mixing the song. I heard the phone ring again.“Answer the phone!”Cowboy picked up. No one there. It happened a third time. We stopped mixing. We took a listen to my vocal track. We listened to it ‘solo’, which means…all by itself.And sure enough, there was a phone ringing on the vocal track. Plain as day. In one spot, you could hear…RRRRRRRRing!So we had a decision to make. Start all over…re-record the whole vocal track. Or just leave it in. We left it in.So…if you’re listening to the first Slim Man CD, and you hear a phone ringing…don’t answer it!When the CD was finished, we had a CD release party and concert at a club in downtown Baltimore. We invited every newspaper, magazine, reporter, TV station, radio station--we invited everybody. Anybody.Nobody showed up. I counted 16 people in a place that held 200. I went home that night, and was about as down-low as you can go. I was convinced the CD was gonna flop.I was playing piano at a waterfront dive bar in Baltimore called “The Horse You Came In On”. It’s one of the oldest bars in America. I played Friday afternoons, mostly to a group of guys that called themselves "The Knuckleheads".They wore hats like Fred Flintstone and Barney Rubble wore to their lodge meetings--hats that looked like furry coneheads with steerhorns sticking out each side.One Friday, the phone rang at the bar. The bartender, Annabelle, answered it, listened, and then called out:“Looks like you’re number 27!”I had no idea what she was talking about. Neither did The Knuckleheads. But apparently, the radio promoter I had hired was finally starting to get some interest.The next week…”You’re number 21!"It continued to climb the charts, week by week. It got all the way to #9. Nationwide.
So technically, it was a Top Ten Hit. We started selling tons of CDs, we went out on tour, we played all over the US and Europe…All from a little studio, in a spare room, next to an airport, near a train track and within earshot of a marching band.Codfish CakesIn Baltimore, where I spent most of my Slim Boyhood, almost every little grocery store had coddies--codfish cakes. The two ingredients were codfish and mashed potatoes. The coddies were displayed on a tray, along with Saltine crackers and plain yellow mustard.I loved ‘em.When codfish went on sale a few weeks ago at the local grocery store near Slim’s Shady Trailer Park in Palm Springs, I thought it would be a great time to create my own codfish cake recipe. I call my new creation...Slim Man’s Cod Pieces
INGREDIENTS3 medium Yukon gold potatoes, cut into cubes (about 2 cups)1 pound codfish filet, skinless, cut into cubes (about 2 cups)2 tablespoons minced shallot1 tablespoon minced garlic1 tablespoon chopped rosemary2 tablespoons butter4 tablespoons olive oilKosher salt, fresh cracked pepper…to taste6 cups water1 egg½ cup of panko breadcrumbs (I used Progresso Panko Italian Style)FlourHERE WE GO...Get a large pot, put in 6 cups of water or so, put it on the highest heat ya gots.Put the taters in the water.When almost tender—it took mine about 10 minutes after the water came to a boil—add the fish cubes. That's right, put the fish right in the boiling water with the potatoes.Cook for 5 minutes.Drain in a colander.
Put the fish and the potatoes in a bowl, add 1 tablespoon of butter, add salt and pepper, and mash coarsely.Let it sit and cool as you…Get a sauté pan and put it over medium heat. I used a 10-inch pan.Add 1 tablespoon of butter and 1 tablespoon of olive oil.When the butter starts to bubble, add the garlic and shallot.Saute for 3 minutes until the shallots are clear and the garlic is pale gold.Add the rosemary and stir a few times.
Cook for 2 minutes.Take the shallot/garlic/rosemary mixture that's in the pan and add it to the codfish and potatoes.Mix it up.Grab your egg, put it in a bowl, and beat it.Add it to the codfish and taters, and mix.Add the breadcrumbs and mix by hand.If the mixture is too liquidy, add more breadcrumbs.When the mixture feels right—not too liquidy, not too bready--make cakes.I like my cakes about the size of a yo-yo. This recipe yielded 8 codfish cakes.Put ‘em on a plate.Take the sauté pan that you used for the garlic/shallots/rosemary.Put it over medium-high heat.Add 3 tablespoons of olive oil.As the oil heats up…Get a flat plate, put some flour on it.Lightly dredge each codfish cake in the flour.When the olive oil is hot, put the cakes in the pan, and saute for 3 minutes, until the bottoms are golden brown.Flip ‘em over—be gentle--and cook on the other side for 3 minutes, until golden brown.Place on paper towels when done.Serve with spicy brown mustard, or plain old yellow mustard like we used to do in Bawlmer!
MANGIAMO!!!!!!!
Slim Man Cooks Lamb Chops
Elvis hated us.Not the real Elvis.An Elvis impersonator.I had a band in the 1970s called Mixed Nuts. The original name was Nick’s Nuts.The problem was, a gangster guy who booked the band hated the name Nick’s Nuts. He told us to change it, so we changed it to Nix Nuts. He hated that name, too. We changed it to Mixed Nuts. Gangster guy liked it; it fit.We played cover songs, mostly Top 40 dance stuff - Earth, Wind and Fire, Kool and the Gang, Ohio Players, along with some jazz – Grover Washington, George Benson and Weather Report.We played clubs in and around our hometown of Baltimore, Maryland. We had some really good musicians in the band. We sounded good. We looked good, which is much more important than sounding good. Only thing was - we were a little nuts.
Our keyboard player, Danny, was the nuttiest of the Nuts. He was the instigator. He was a short, roly-poly guy, looked a lot like Danny DeVito. Danny did some crazy things.One of our first gigs was opening for an Elvis impersonator. We used their equipment – drums, amps, and keyboards. I'm guessing Elvis' keyboard player wasn't very good, because he had placed pieces of masking tape on each key of his keyboard. He had written the notes of each key on each piece of tape - so the “C” key had “C” written on the tape, the “D” key had “D” written on it, and so forth, up and down the whole keyboard.We opened the show for Fake Elvis, and played for about a half-hour. Danny used the guy’s keyboard. At the end of our show, Danny changed all the pieces of tape on the keyboard – so the “C” key was no longer “C”, and the “D” key was no longer “D”.We left the stage. People didn’t throw things at us, but the applause wasn’t deafening, either. Elvis was waiting in the wings. His band went onstage and the keyboard player started their intro, the theme from 2001 A Space Odyssey.All the notes were wrong, thanks to Danny. The keyboard player looked down at his keys, and then over at Elvis. Elvis gave him a dirty look. The keyboard player started the intro again. Nothing but wrong notes. Elvis looked over at us, and we were smiling.He was not.Needless to say, it wasn’t the best night for Elvis and his band. I don’t think the keyboard player hit one good note all night. After the show, Elvis came looking for us.But Mixed Nuts had left the building.I liked the real Elvis a lot. I’ve been to Graceland more than once. Early Elvis is my favorite. He was cool. His eating habits weren’t the best in the world. A steady diet of peanut butter and bacon sandwiches can’t have a good impact on your body. But Elvis' music had quite an impact on the world.When Mixed Nuts played the Baltimore nightclub circuit, we started at 9 PM and played until 2 AM. We did five 40-minute sets, 200 minutes of music. We usually played the same club for a week. Then, we’d head to a different club, play for a week. We did that all-year long.After a show, we’d all go out to eat. Diners, Denny’s, Holiday Inns – anywhere that served food late at night. Whenever The Nuts went out to eat, we’d arrive at the restaurant in our suit jackets and vests, and dress shirts and ties, shoes and socks, and - no pants. We were always so nonchalant about it, like it was completely normal. We were nuts. Mixed Nuts. We had a name to live up to.A lot of the clubs we played were owned by Greeks – The Latin Casino, The Redwood Inn, Rhapsody, Hollywood Palace, and Club Venus. The owners were all named John. We gave them nicknames, so we could tell them apart…Uncle John. Little John. Big John.We used to play the Hilton Hotel in a neighborhood called Pikesville. It was one of the few clubs in Baltimore not owned by a Greek named John. The Hilton club was run by a guy named Bill, who had a phosphorescent orange tan, fake black hair, and chain smoked cigarettes.One night, The Nuts were at the Hilton doing our Big Finale, which was a song called “Birdland” by Weather Report. It’s a lively little number, a song that we had a request to do. The guy that requested it hit the dance floor as soon as we started the song. He was all by himself, out there on the dance floor, doing a frantic little dance…And then he died of a massive heart attack. Right there in front of us, on the dance floor. True story. We were scheduled to play the Hilton the following week. But we didn’t. Bill didn’t want us playing there anymore after the guy died.It’s not like we killed him.But it did give birth to the phrase “We knocked ‘em dead last night.”Mixed Nuts broke up soon after.Why? Like I said, the guys in the band were really good musicians, and started getting some incredible offers…The sax player got hired by Patti LaBelle. He started touring the world.The guitar player got a gig with Dion and the Belmonts. He started touring the world as well.I got signed to Motown Records. I took the drummer from Mixed Nuts with me to play on the album. Who was the drummer?Hit Man Howie Z. We still play together in the Slim Man Band.Four out of five Nuts went on to be pretty successful in the music biz.And the fifth Nut, the nuttiest Nut? Danny?He got busted a few years later for selling marijuana. The Feds found a lot of pot and a couple hundred thousand bucks stashed on his property. So I guess Danny was pretty successful, too, in his own way. Except the Feds confiscated the money. And the weed.Danny didn’t drink. He didn’t use drugs.But he did do a couple years in the Federal penitentiary. When he got out of prison, he went back to Baltimore.We’re still close friends. He still plays music in and around the Baltimore area. Jailhouse Rock!LAMB CHOPS WITH ROSEMARY AND GARLIC
When I was in Mixed Nuts, I didn’t cook very much. But when I did, I usually made some Italian vegetarian dishes; tomato sauce, pesto, things like that. I didn’t eat a lot of red meat.My Dad cooked a birthday dinner for me one year. He made this incredibly elaborate meal, and the main course was a leg of lamb with mustard sauce. My Dad had invited Danny. He loved Danny, thought he was ridiculously funny.After this extravagant dinner, after all the courses had been served, Danny looked at my Dad and said,“Good slop.”Which my Dad thought was hilarious.I still don’t eat a lot of red meat, but when I have carnivores over at Slim’s Shady Trailer Park, I’ll make lamb chops. This is my favorite red meat recipe.INGREDIENTS1 pound lamb chops (I had 6, each about ¾ inch thick)1 tablespoon chopped fresh rosemary1 clove garlic, minced (a generous teaspoon)1 teaspoon olive oil, plus 1 tablespoon for searing1 tablespoon butterHere we go…
Rinse off your lamb chops and pat them dry with paper towels.Put the chopped rosemary and the minced garlic on a chopping board.Even though they’re already chopped, chop ‘em up together for a minute. These guys need to get to know each other.Put the chopped rosemary and garlic in a small bowl.Add a teaspoon of olive oil, mix it up. Set aside.Place the lamb chops on a large 
plate.Rub a little of the rosemary/garlic/olive oil mixture on top of each lamb chop—only on one side! Spread it around evenly, a thin layer.Add a little kosher salt and freshly cracked black pepper.Get a large sauté pan (I used a 10-inch pan).Turn the heat to medium-high.Add the 1 tablespoon of butter, and the remaining 1 tablespoon of olive oil. When the butter starts to brown, add the lamb chops—spiced side down!Cook for a couple minutes, as in 2 or 3. Thinner pieces take less time, thicker ones, longer.Using tongs, turn ‘em over. Swirl the olive oil and butter around in the bottom of the pan so you’re not placing the lamb chops in a dry pan.Cook for another 2 or 3 minutes.Check them for doneness - at 2 or 3 minutes a side they should be medium rare. If you like them well done, cook for a couple minutes more on each side. If you like them rare, cook them less.That’s it!!Dish it up, make it look nice, add a sprig of rosemary, maybe a dollop of risotto, a couple baked asparagus spears, and…
MANGIAMO!!!!
Slim Man Cooks Chicken with Marsala and Porcini Mushrooms
Chicken Marsala with Elvis in Memphis
I was in Memphis in the late 1980s organizing a country music talent contest with my friend Michael.Michael is black. I’m white. Well, Italian.Marlboro sponsored the contest. Why they picked a black guy and a white guy — two city slickers, no less — to do a country music talent contest, is still puzzling.It’s not puzzling why Michael and I did the contest - they paid us a lot of money and they paid all our expenses. I ended up doing four tours for Marlboro. The one with Michael was my first.Michael and I traveled around the USA looking for the next big country music star. We went to more honkytonk hellholes than most cowboys. We’d roll into a town like Memphis, find a club, organize the bands, and do the contest. The grand prize was $50,000. Fifty grand.I was in charge of the bands; I made sure all the musicians knew where to go, what to bring, and what to do. Michael was the MC. He was the Ryan Seacrest of honkytonks. When Michael appeared on stage, and introduced himself to the primarily white, all-country crowd, there was a little apprehension - on both sides of the microphone.He’d come out and say,“Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the Marlboro Country Music Talent Roundup.”That’s when the crowd got a little quiet. Michael was from New York City, and he sounded like it. He’d continue,“I know I don’t look like the Marlboro Man, and I don’t sound like the Marlboro Man, but tonight…”He’d reach down and put on his white ten-gallon Hoss Cartwright cowboy hat on, and continue,“I am the Marlboro Man.”Michael sounded like Shannon Sharpe — the football player and NFL analyst. He looked like Cleavon Little in Blazing Saddles. Michael always got a laugh when he put the big white hat on. He had a singular charm.Marlboro tossed a lot of money at this thing. We had all kinds of great merchandise — denim jackets, satin jackets, duffle bags, playing cards, T-shirts, polo shirts, denim shirts, posters. And they gave away free cigarettes at every show. All you could smoke.They should have given away a Marlboro coffin. Or maybe a Marlboro iron lung.Here’s how we ran the contest - we had ten bands a night, three nights in a row. Each band got 15 minutes on stage. We had three minutes in between bands, that’s all.Judges picked the winners--not the audience. We’d find judges —usually three — from the local talent pool; DJs, producers, managers, agents. The judges would pick one band to go on to the finals in Nashville, where they would compete with the other finalists from other towns for the grand prize of $50,000.Before we got to Memphis, we got a call from Marlboro headquarters. They told us to be careful. It was the 20th anniversary of Martin Luther King’s assassination in Memphis. And then they told us that the club owner was rumored to have ties to the KKK.The club was called The Vapors, a country music honky-tonk in the middle of Memphis. Michael and I pulled up to the club in our rental car. We walked inside and met the owner. He was friendly. He was as nice and helpful as could be. He wasn’t wearing a white pillowcase over his head.
Michael and I got set up for the show that night. We had to hang all the Marlboro Country Music Roundup signs around the club, we had to make sure the sound company was good to go, the bands ready to play, and the judges prepared to judge.We finished soundcheck and had a few hours before showtime. Michael had a friend who had a limo and tour bus company based in Memphis. She rented these things out to bands and rock stars. She invited us for a limo ride to Graceland and a private tour. She was a friend of Elvis Presley’s Mom.Graceland is the house that Elvis built. It’s now a museum.Michael and I drove over to his friend’s house. She had all these limos and tour buses parked all around her property. She got behind the wheel of one of the limos and Michael and I got in back. She put the big black limo in reverse and floored it.She rammed it into the side of one of her tour buses that was parked right behind her. BANG! We got out, and surveyed the damage. It was substantial — to both the limo and the tour bus.She left the smashed-up limo right there, and got into another one and drove us over to Graceland. She gave us a private tour. We saw the Graceland that not many people get to see. It was surprisingly small, and had a sixties vibe to it—lots of yellow vinyl and white shag carpets and mirrored walls.Elvis must have loved TV. There were TVs everywhere. He had quite a collection of cars, all kinds of exotic sports cars. Elvis also had two luxury jets parked right across the street from Graceland.
After the Graceland tour, Michael and I went to visit the Lorraine Motel, where Martin Luther King, Jr. was assassinated. There were TV news crews doing interviews about the 20th anniversary, and one of them came up to Michael and interviewed him.It was eerie.Michael and I went back to our hotel, a Holiday Inn. We decided to take a jog before the big show that night. We put on our running shoes and started jogging down the streets of Memphis, side-by-side.On our way back, we heard someone shout from a car – you’ll have to excuse the language, but this is the way it went down.“Hey nigguh boy! Hey hippie fag!”True story. That’s exactly what was said. I couldn’t believe my ears. Then I heard it again.“Hey nigguh boy! Hey hippie fag!”Oh, shit, I thought. Here we go. A black guy and a long haired white guy, running down the streets of Memphis. I stopped and looked to see where the voice was coming from.It was the owner of the Vapors. He was laughing, hanging out the window of his car, smacking his hand on the door.“I got you! I got you goin’! See you fellas at the club later! Have a nice run!”
He smiled and waved and drove off, laughing.He got us, all right.We did the contest that night at The Vapors. The owner couldn’t have been nicer, the crowd was as cool as could be and the show went as smooth as glass.I love Memphis - Sun Studio, Graceland, Beale Street - and any city with a restaurant named Automatic Slim’s is OK in my book.CHICKEN WITH MARSALA AND PORCINI MUSHROOMSAutomatic Slim’s did not have chicken Marsala on the menu. But they should have!I came up with this dish a few weeks ago. I used porcini mushrooms and the water they soak in. It was amazing, if I may say so myself.The next night I cooked it for a very beautiful woman of excellent taste, and it was just OK. I overcooked the chicken, and it was a bit tough and dry; so don’t overcook your chicken.I like to serve this sauce over egg noodles – not a lot, just a little bit underneath each serving.I used three boneless, skinless chicken breasts. They were real thick, so I cut each of them in half. I had six cutlets, each was about ¼ inch thick.Marsala is a wine from Marsala, Sicily. There are basically two kinds; dry and sweet. I used sweet Marsala.Be careful when handling raw chicken—clean every surface it touches, wash your hands, and get out the pressure washer and put on the HazMat suit.
INGREDIENTS6 chicken breast cutlets, about ¼ inch thick½ ounce dried porcini mushrooms (soaked in 1 cup of water for a minimum of 20 minutes—don’t throw out the water!)2 tablespoons butter2 tablespoons olive oil½ shallot, chopped fine, about 2 tablespoons3 garlic cloves, sliced thin, about 1 tablespoon¾ cup sweet Marsala1 cup of water1 tablespoon fresh rosemary, chopped½ pound of egg noodles – pappardelle work wellKosher salt and pepper to tasteHere we go…Rinse off your chicken breasts and pat them dry with paper towels.Remove the porcini mushrooms from the cup of water with a slotted spoon.Take the remaining porcini water and strain through cheesecloth — I used a coffee filter, by the way. I’ve even used paper towels as strainers. Whatever you use, save the water – you’ll use a half cup for the sauce, and a half cup in the pasta water, if you want to put the sauce over pasta.Rinse off the mushrooms and pat dry. Chop into small pieces.Grab your breasts. Then grab your chicken breasts. Notice the difference. Salt and pepper the top of the chicken breasts. Fresh cracked black pepper is the way to go. Salt and pepper just one side of the chicken breasts.
Let’s make the sauce first.Put a small sauté pan over medium heat.Add one tablespoon of butter, and one tablespoon of olive oil.When the butter starts to bubble, add the shallots.Cook and stir for 2 minutes, until the shallots just start to brown.Add the garlic, cook for 2 minutes. Give it a stir.Add the Marsala.Add ½ cup of porcini water.Turn the heat to high and let it cook for 2 minutes.Turn the heat to medium-low, and add the porcini mushrooms.Cook for 2 minutes while stirring.Add the rosemary. Cook and stir for 2 minutes.Remove from heat. Sauce is done!Let’s do the chicken.
Get a large sauté pan (I used a 12 inch skillet). Put it over medium-high heat.Add 1 tablespoon of butter and 1 tablespoon of olive oil.When the butter starts to bubble, add the chicken breasts, salted/peppered side down.Cook for 2 or 3 minutes until golden.Flip ‘em over.Cook for 2 or 3 minutes on the other side until golden. Give a cutlet a slice, make sure it’s done.Pour the Marsala/porcini sauce over the breasts.Remove from heat!Plate ‘em up! You can put this sauce over egg noodles, or rice, or eat it as is.I like to put this sauce over egg noodles--pappardelle are my favorite. I use a half-pound. Get a large pot, fill it with cold water. Add the remaining ½ cup of porcini water to the pasta water. When it all comes to a boil, add 2 tablespoons of kosher salt.Add the egg noodles, cook until al dente, drain and drizzle with a tablespoon of olive oil. Stir.Put A SMALL PORTION of egg noodles on a plate. Put some Marsala sauce over the noodles, put a chicken breast on top, spoon some sauce and juice and mushrooms on top and…
MANGIAMO!!!!!!!!!
Slim Man Cooks Roasted Potatoes with Rosemary and Garlic
I got a call from Joyce. I was in Nashville, Tennessee. Music City USA. She was in Austin, Texas. She asked me if I could be an extra on the TV show ‘Nashville’. They had seen my photos online. I told her I’d think about it.I’d been an extra before on a Hugh Grant/Drew Barrymore movie in Manhattan, and it was quite an experience—a lot of waiting around, a lot of shooting the same scene a million times—but not something I felt like doing again. Not for $84, which is what I got paid for that 12 hour day.But Joyce kept calling me. She called and told me the director liked my look. She called and told me the shoot wasn't far from the Slim Shack. She called me so often, I felt like I was married. I finally told her I’d do the show. Joyce made me feel special. Plus, maybe the director would see me and cast me in a starring role in an upcoming episode...'Guinea Guy meets Cowgirl', or 'Mob Guy takes over Country Music Biz.' Could happen...Joyce sent me an email telling me to dress like I was going to the Grammys. The scene we were shooting was going to be a Country Music Awards show, and they wanted us dressed in evening clothes.The next morning, I drove from the Slim Shack in the Green Hills section of Nashville to the Tennessee Titans football stadium, which is downtown by the Cumberland River. I checked in to the extras 'holding' area, which was on the club level of the stadium. There were a couple hundred people there…So much for feeling special.The women extras were dressed in cocktail gowns and high heels and up-dos, and they looked great. Lovely. I’ve said this once, and I’ll say it again…in the history of the world, Lady Peoples have never looked better than they do today…the hair, the skin, the nails, the…everything.It was early in the morning. The gals, the guys...everybody was dressed in evening wear. Everyone except me. I wore a military jacket. It kinda looked like evening wear....if you were an officer in the Russian army at a ballroom dance in the 1800s.They put out a breakfast buffet, and after about an hour, we well-dressed extras--men and women--left the stadium, got on a big old school bus, and headed to the General Jackson, an old steamboat docked on the Cumberland River, next to the stadium.We boarded the steamboat, and went into the concert area--a ballroom on the first level that was decked out with a big raised stage. Tall cocktail tables were scattered around, and there was a second-floor balcony overlooking the whole scene.
The assistant director stood up, got everybody’s attention, and then described the scene we were about to shoot. An older female country singer, Rayna James, and her young rival, Juliette, are nominated for the same country music award—Female Vocalist of the Year. Juliette—played by Hayden Panettiere—shows up on the steamboat drunk, and does her new song on stage, all liquored up.That was the scene. We extras were the audience members, and we were directed to be puzzled by Hayden's drunken stumblings. The cameras started rolling…Action!Hayden/Juliette came out and sang her song. I’ll admit this—it was a really good song. I liked it.But I didn't like it so much after hearing it for five hours straight. They shot the scene over and over again. Every time they changed an angle, they'd have to re-position the lights. Re-position the cameras. And then everybody--extras and actors--would have to go back to the exact same spots, and do the exact same thing. They did a bunch of takes--five hours worth. Then Director Dude told us to take a break. We went up to a room on the third floor of the boat, where they had a folding table laid out with…Two big tubs of Costco peanut butter and jelly, loaves of bread, Tootsie Pops, and Goldfish crackers.It was a nice lunch--if you were in kindergarden. After about an hour, we went back down to the concert area and shot the same scene…over and over again. After about five more hours—at around 10 PM--we broke for dinner.We went back to the Titans stadium to the club level, and they had a big spread of food—lasagna, salad, fish, desserts. It wasn’t so bad. Better than PBJ…
After dinner, it was back to the boat. We waited and waited in an empty banquet hall. After a few hours, the assistant director walked in, and started looking over the extras. Then he looked at me and pointed his finger. I went over to where he was standing. He said…“We need a guy to play a slick record executive type, an older guy. Are you interested?”When he said “older guy” I felt like arm-wrestling the young whippersnapper to the ground and kicking his ass. But I just said “yes”.He walked me upstairs to where they were shooting the scene. It was being shot on the open-air top deck, which was spiffed up with lights and flowers and had a lovely view of downtown Nashville. It was freezing. I stood in a small group of people, and the prop guy handed me a glass of champagne…Joy. Except it wasn’t champagne, it was ginger ale. The director came over and told me what the scene was…one of the stars of the show, Scarlett, was coming over to talk to this small group of four folks, and I was supposed to have a fake conversation with this girl standing in front of me.Fake conversation? The director wanted me to move my lips, but not make any sound. They'd overdub the voices later. Plus, they have to pay you extra if you talk. So I had a fake conversation with my fake glass of champagne with this really good-looking girl.We finally wrapped up around 2:30 AM. We had been on the set for almost seventeen hours. Must have been hell for the girls in heels.Before we left, they instructed us to come back fifteen hours later--at 6 PM. A lot of folks didn’t show up. I did. I wanted some more peanut butter and jelly, which they had waiting for us when we arrived. Joy. It was freezing again, but this time I wore my Under Armour thermals. Really.We did another scene on the steamboat--the red carpet scene, where the BigWigs arrive at the awards party to check-in.The assistant director paired me up with two gals. They were gorgeous. We shot the ‘entering the awards party’ scene a bunch of times. I didn’t mind so much…
After a couple hours of shooting, we broke for dinner. About an hour later, we went back to work. We waited in a banquet room for a few hours for our next set of directions. It was 4 AM.People were nodding off. An assistant director walked into the room, came up to me and asked if I could be the “slick record executive” for the next scene. I accepted. He explained the scene:Limos pull up, pick up the BigWigs and whisk them away. Easy enough.We shot the scene outside the boat in the freezing drizzle. We shot it a bunch of times. A limo would pull up to the curb. The star of the show, Rayna James, would get in as I’m fake-talking to her manager--who gets left at the curb in the rain with Yours Truly. The limo would pull away...Once again, one scene took hours. When we wrapped, the sun was coming up. My boots were soaked and my feet were freezing. I went back home, got to the Slim Shack around 7 AM. Batu was waiting. I was starving. The only thing I had in the house?Peanut butter and jelly.
Roasted Red PotatoesAs a Manly Man, when I’m cooking for a Lady People, I have to be sensitive. I'm pretty sensitive already. It's been a common complaint from most of the Exes..."You're too sensitive."What do you say to that? "I'll try my best to be insensitive from now on?"When I'm cooking for a Slim Woman, I gotta be sensitive; make sure I don’t use butter and cream and fatty stuff. When cooking for the Lady Peoples, I don't fry--I'll bake or broil or roast. Roasted red potatoes is a good side dish when cooking for the Women Folk.You’ve got to keeps the ladies happy.Because if the ladies ain’t happy, you, my friend, ain’t happy.INGREDIENTS3 pounds small red potatoes¼ cup olive oil1 ½ tablespoons minced garlic3 tablespoons chopped fresh rosemary, plus a few sprigsKosher salt and fresh cracked black pepper to tasteHere we go...Preheat your oven to 400 degrees.Cut the potatoes in halves or quarters, depending how big yer taters are.Put them in a large bowl.Add the olive oil, and mix by hand, making sure they’re all coated.Add the rosemary and garlic, and mix again.Place them on a baking tray covered with aluminum foil (this be easier to clean that way).Sprinkle with salt and fresh cracked black pepper, then turn them over and sprinkle on the other side.Put the potatoes in the oven on the middle rack.Bake for 25 minutes.After 25 minutes, flip ‘em over with a spatula.Roast for another 25 minutes. Stick them with a fork--if it goes in easily, they're done. If not, put 'em back in the oven until they are.Plate ‘em up! Make ‘em look nice, add a sprig or two of fresh rosemary, and…
MANGIAMO!!
Slim Man Cooks Seared Scallops with Rosemary
After BootCamp broke up, I decided to circle the wagons. So I gathered up the mules and the Conestogas, and sat by the campfire, trying to figure out my next move. One night, after getting kicked in the head by one of the jackasses, I came to the realization that I needed to go back into the studio and start writing and recording again.So that’s what I did. Monday through Thursday, from 10 AM until 3 PM, I wrote songs. The studio was owned by Rick O’Rick, AKA Cowboy Pickles; it was right outside of Washington, DC.I’d leave Baltimore at 9 AM, drive an hour to the studio, write and record for five hours, then drive back.At night, I was singing in piano bars. I had decided to learn all my favorite songs, to find out what made them work. From Sinatra to Elvis to Motown, I studied and learned every hit song I ever loved. I would sing these songs and play piano at restaurants in and around Baltimore, Maryland. I also had a blues band — The Scrappy Harris Blues Band. We played every Wednesday night at a dive bar called The Horse You Came In On.That was my Life After BootCamp. I played piano bar. I played the blues. I wrote songs--all kinds of songs.I wrote a rock song and needed a singer for the demo. Someone had mentioned the name Brian Jack. I looked him up. He was in a band called Child’s Play. They had released an album on a major label, and had just broken up after being dropped. I reached out to Brian and asked him to sing one of my songs.I picked him up — he didn’t have a car – and drove him to the studio. He walked in, opened his mouth and sang that song like he’d sung it a hundred times. It was magic. Everyone who heard the song loved it, and loved his voice – he sounded like Bryan Adams meets Rod Stewart.I continued writing songs with Brian in mind. I’d write a song. I’d get everything done - all the guitars, keyboards, bass, backing vocals, horns, everything. I’d go pick up Brian, drive him to the studio, and he would sing, as I guided him along. It took us an hour a song – at most – to do the vocals.That’s the way it got started. We became the best of friends.
I wrote. I produced. Brian sang. He had an amazing voice.
After about a year, when I had 12 songs finished, I suggested we put out a CD. I borrowed some money to get the CDs made. Rick O’Rick and I took care of the studio bill. Brian did the artwork. He sent it off to the manufacturer. When we got the CDs back, I was pretty shocked when I read the back cover…All songs written by Brian Jack and Tim Camp.Dayuummm, son! Ain't that a kick in the head! Brian hadn’t written one word, hadn’t written one note of music. When I asked him why he listed himself as songwriter on the credits, he said,“I always wanted to be a songwriter.”I suggested that he might start by writing his own songs, not by putting his name on mine. There was no way I could afford to get the credits changed. Not on this batch of CDs. I figured I’d correct the songwriting credits if we re-ordered more.The CD took off like a rocket. We were getting airplay on the big rock station in Baltimore. Lots of airplay. Brian put together a band. He asked me to play keyboards. I didn’t want to. I had just finished the BootCamp saga, and I was in no hurry to play in a rock band again. But Jackson — that’s what I called him — insisted. I started playing keyboards in his live show.He was packing 1,000 seat clubs. Jackson put together an incredible show. At one club called Hammerjacks, he hung a rope from the ceiling, which was 20 feet high. He would swing from the stage up into the balcony, hold the railing, sing a few notes, and then swing back on stage.He was like Tarzan, bare-foot and bare-chested, swinging from the rafters, screaming at the top of his lungs. He was selling out wherever he went. He had a great voice, along with charm, looks, charisma and stage presence.And he had incredible hair, which is the most important thing in the music binniz.I started calling some folks I knew in the music business. I hooked Brian up with my attorney – who’s also my close friend – who hooked Brian up with a manager, Dee Anthony. Dee came out to a show. He loved it.Dee Anthony started off as a road manager for Tony Bennett. Dee went on to manage Peter Frampton, J. Geils, Devo, and Basia, among others. His daughter, Michelle, was a bigwig at SONY/Epic.Brian signed with Dee. Dee signed Brian to SONY/Epic. Frankie LaRocca was hired to produce — he had just come off a big hit with the Spin Doctors. The future looked mighty bright.When it came time for Brian to record his CD for Epic, I found out that none of my songs would be included. Dee was under the impression that Brian had co-written all of the songs we had recorded. Dee then set Brian up to write all new songs with other big-name writers. I was out. Like Tom Hagen in The Godfather, I was out.Epic rented the finest studios, hired big-name musicians. When they heard the first batch of new songs, they didn’t like them. Epic decided to abandon ship. After spending $40,000 they dropped Brian. He hadn’t even finished half the CD.I didn’t see Brian much after the Epic disaster. I went back into the studio by myself and started writing again. I wasn’t writing for anybody but me this time. I just wrote whatever came to mind. After a few months, I put all of these songs together and decided to do a CD of my own.
I needed a CD cover, so a friend arranged for a photographer to shoot some photos of my donkey face. I sat at the piano and he took pictures. After the photo shoot, I made dinner.As we were having dinner, I asked the photographer what kind of stuff he liked to photograph. He told me he was a forensic photographer for the police department.So…The guy who shot the front cover of the very first Slim Man CD took photos of dead bodies for a living. Come to think of it, the front cover for End of the Rainbow does look a little morose. But even that didn’t stop it from being one of the Top Ten Jazz CDs for the whole year.One door closes, another one opens.SEARED SCALLOPS
I have a great friend named Clubby Clubb who lives in Ocean City, Maryland – he was also good friends with Brian. Clubby Clubb has the most incredible wine store and deli a block from the beach. He lives a charmed life. He only works six months a year, April to September. The rest of the year?Mostly, he goes fishing. He plays with his kids.One day when I told him I wanted some fresh scallops, he told me about a bayside fish store where the boats bring everything in fresh each morning, to service the resort restaurants.I went there one morning and they had these incredible scallops. I love scallops and I created a way of searing them that is so quick, so simple and so delicious that you are going to send me a million dollars after you try these.Make all checks out to Mr. Man.Scallops are expensive—I’ve seen them as high as $36 a pound. I found them for $20 a pound recently, and bought a pound. There were 10 big scallops, which I seared. They were delizioso!One last note - make sure you buy dry scallops. This is very important. Your fish guy should know. Wet scallops are injected with chemicals and crap and are impossible to sear.Buy dry scallops, and gently rinse them. Then gently pat them dry with paper towels. Keep patting them dry until the paper towels are no longer damp. Even dry scallops retain a bit of water. Water ain’t good for the searing process! Capisce?And finally, if you don’t like prosciutto, just leave it out. You can still pierce the scallops with the rosemary—without the prosciutto.INGREDIENTS
10 dry sea scallops, about one pound10 slices of prosciutto, sliced thin, fat trimmed off10 thin rosemary sprigs, each at least 4 inches longA little brown sugar or turbinado sugar (you can use regular sugar in a pinch)Salt (I use kosher salt)Fresh cracked black pepper1 tablespoon butter1 tablespoon extra virgin olive oilHere we go...Rinse off the scallops and pat dry with paper towels. Remove the small side muscle from each scallop, and discard - the muscle, not the scallop! Place the scallops on a plate.Take a slice of prosciutto, and trim it so it’s about the same size as the scallop. Remove some of the fat if you like, and wrap it around the sides of the scallop. I wrap the prosciutto around once, and slice off the remaining prosciutto.Then, take a sprig of rosemary, about 4 inches long, and strip off about an inch of the leaves from the bottom of the sprig. Take the bottom end of the rosemary sprig, and pierce it through the side of the scallop, to hold the prosciutto in place.The end without the leaves should be poking out of one side of the scallop, and the other end – the top of the sprig – should be poking out of the other side of the scallop.Do this with all 10 scallops.Add a sprinkle of brown sugar, salt and pepper to the top of all 10 scallops.
Put a large sauté pan over medium-high heat. Add 1 tablespoon of butter and 1 tablespoon of olive oil. When the butter starts to bubble and turn brown, place the scallops in the pan, salted/peppered/sugared side down.Cook for 90 seconds, 2 minutes maximum. As they cook, add a LITTLE salt, pepper, and brown sugar on top of each scallop.Use some tongs to turn each scallop over. Before you set each scallop back in the pan, swirl the butter and olive oil around in the pan, so you’re not placing the scallop in a dry pan. Cook for 90 seconds, 2 minutes maximum on the other side.Remove the scallops with some tongs. Make sure the scallops are done. Cooking times can vary according to the heat of your stove and the thickness of the scallops.Dish it up! You can serve these over some wild greens, with some tomatoes on the side. Or eat them all by themselves.
MANGIAMO!!!!!!!