Slim Man Cooks Salmon Cakes

Yesterday I did a 5@5 show, one where I sang nine Nat King Cole songs. When I finished, I was stinkin’ starvin’. I was on the phone with Hit Man Howie Z; he was giving me feedback on the show.

He was back east in B-Mo (Baltimore, Maryland), I was in Palm Springs, Californee.

As we were talking, I was looking in the cupboard for something to cook because everything else I had was frozen and I didn’t feel like waiting for things to defrost.

The only thing I could find was a can of wild Alaskan salmon

I looked at that can of salmon as I was talking to Hit Man Howie, and then it Hit me...

Make fish cakes! Make them like you make crab cakes, but with salmon instead. 

Jumbo lump crabmeat is about $900 a pound these days.

Well, maybe not that much. But when I went online the other day, it was $70 a pound. Seriously. And that did not include the $35 bucks for overnight shipping.

So...I told Howie I was thinking of making salmon cakes. And then Howie started telling me I should make them like he makes his crab cakes. A little Old Bay. An egg. Mayonnaise. Mustard...

I had most of the ingredients. I hung up with Hit Man and started organizing. And improvising...

I added some fresh Italian parsley, some panko breadcrumbs, and a dash of Worcestershire sauce to the mix...

I made small cakes, broiled them, and...

They were was Wowza. Howza Wowza!

I broiled them for about 5 minutes, and I’m telling you Slim People, they were pretty good.

You can serve them as they are or make a sandwich. 

NOTES:

When you open the can of salmon, drain it. Then put the salmon on a plate. Pick through it. It might have some soft bones, some skin. Get rid of all that stuff and anything else that looks funky. I also remove the dark areas of the salmon.

When you mix all the ingredients together, make sure the mixture is not too soggy. If it is, add a little more breadcrumbs. If it’s too dry, add a touch more mayo.

The can of salmon I used was actually about 14 ounces, not the usual 16 ounce can.

That can of salmon made five medium salmon cakes.

INGREDIENTS

One 16 ounce can wild Alaskan salmon (drained, bones, skin, and dark areas removed)

2 tablespoons mayonnaise

1 egg

½ cup panko breadcrumbs (Howie sometimes uses crumbled Saltines instead)

1 teaspoon Old Bay seasoning

2 tablespoons chopped fresh Italian parsley

A dash of Worcestershire sauce

Salt and fresh cracked black pepper to taste

Put all the ingredients in a bowl.

Mix them by hand. If it’s too soggy, add some breadcrumbs. If it’s too dry, add a little mayo.

When she’s a so nice, make small cakes, about the size of a tin of chewing tabacky.

Turn on your broiler.

Get a baking pan or dish, put a little olive oil in the bottom. Wipe with excess with a paper towel. You just want a light coating on the bottom of the pan so the salmon cakes won’t stick to the pan.

Put the salmon cakes in the pan, stick under the broiler. Keep your eyes on these guys! From start to finish. 

Broil for 3 minutes and then check them. You want the tops to be golden brown. If they ain’t put ‘em back in until they are.

When they are goldenly delicious, take the salmon cakes out of the oven.

Dish ‘em up!

You can serve them with cocktail sauce, mustard, mayo, or just eat ‘em plain like I do!

MANGIAMO!

Slim Man Cooks Slim's Manly Balls of Salmon

I’ve promised myself to stay positive.So, instead of saying I’m sick of salmon, I’m gonna say…I’m glad I have teeth so I can eat.But I’m getting sick of salmon. That’s all the women folks want to eat these days. So…what’s a Man to do with all that leftover salmon?Make salmon balls! They’re Manly!They make a great appetizer, you can put a bunch of ‘em on a plate and call them an entrée, you can use them when you do your juggling routine, but most important…they’re really good.I made a quick aioli sauce, which sounds fancy, but ain’t; it’s quick and simple and Manly and she’s a-so nice! It’s basically mayo and mustard and garlic, and it takes 7.9 seconds to make.The toughest part of this recipe is pulling the balls off the salmon.NOTES:You’ll need to squeeze your balls gently. There are little pockets of air, and by gently squeezing your balls, they’ll be tighter, and they won’t fall apart when you cook ‘em.INGREDIENTS2 cups leftover salmon filet, crumbled, any skin and bones removed1 ½ cups leftover roasted potatoes, cooked, smashed (I used red)2 eggs, beaten½ cup panko bread crumbs2 tablespoons parsley, choppedS&P1 tablespoon olive oil (to sauté the shallots and red bell pepper)2 tablespoons shallot, minced2 tablespoons red bell pepper, chopped4 tablespoons olive oil (to sauté your balls)1 cup flour (you might not need it all)This recipe yields 18 balls. At least it did for me…HERE WE GO!Put the leftover salmon, the potatoes, the eggs, the bread crumbs and the parsley in a small bowl. Mix gently.Add salt and pepper; I used a shy teaspoon of coarse Kosher salt and the same of fresh cracked black pepper. Mick ‘em up!and mix again, by hand. Be gentle!Put a tablespoon of olive oil in a sauté pan over medium-high heat. Add the shallots and red bell pepper, and cook and stir for just a couple minutes. Shake gently while cooking.Put the shallots and red bell peppers in the bowl with the other stuff.When it's cool, dig in with your mitts, and mick ‘em up. Mix until it feels right, you don’t want it too smooth or too chunky. You’ll know when it’s right.Take some of this delectable mixture, about the size of a golf ball, and put it in your palm, and roll it into a ball.This next step is important. Squeeze your balls gently. There are little pockets of air, and by gently squeezing your balls, they’ll be tighter, and they won’t fall apart.So squeeze your salmon ball in one palm, then toss it into your other palm and gently squeeze, then toss it back in the other palm and squeeze. Do this a couple times. You’ll feel like a real Italian.Do this with all the salmon stuff. I rolled 18 salmon balls.Get a large sauté pan, put it over medium-high heat.Put in 4 tablespoons of olive oil.Get a large plate, put the flour in it and spread it around.Take a salmon ball, gently roll it in the flour, shake off the excess.Do this with all your balls, and then saute IMMEDIATELY! You leave your balls sitting around, and they’ll get soggy. And nobody likes soggy balls.Put the salmon balls in the olive oil, cook until golden, about 2 or 3 minutes.Turn ‘em over, and cook on the other side until golden, about 2 or 3 minutes.Remove to a platter lined with a couple layers of paper towels.Dish it up!Serve it on one of them good-looking plates you save for Thanksgiving, add a sprig of parsley, and put a little Slim Aioli on the side, or some plain mustard or tartar sauce and…MANGIAMO!